The Raising Our Standards Act

[Hooligan]

[The Governor recognizes himself as he rises from one of his seats.]

My Lord, My Self, My Alter Egos, if it please the Nimlet, I rise to propose for my consideration the following act of legislation:

The Raising Our Standards Act

WHEREAS there came before this body during its last session a fine upstanding Florencian, wanting only to be heard, and

WHEREAS this patient and noble man, his right of petition being ignored by the Nimlet in a very unFlorencian way, determined to peaceably bring his much-loved proposal before the Nimlet even if no one would do it for him, and

WHEREAS this meant waiting until this suave, debonair, and dashing Florencian sat in the Nimlet himself, and

WHEREAS thanks to the recent election, we here assembled see a great many seats occupied by this modern hero of Florencia, a kind of modern-day Spider-Man if you will, albeit without the ability to spin webs or climb walls, and

WHEREAS the current flag of our province is rather messy and violates a number of good and sound rules concerning the makeup of flags, and

WHEREAS that flag is also one which is difficult to arrange for someone to make, and this inhibits the spectactular display of the rectangular symbol of our triangular province, and

WHEREAS the major theme and arrangement of our current flag should be preserved as much as possible in any new design, to pay due honour to those Florencians of yesterday who are and will be revered by the Florencians of today and tomorrow (and the next day, and even the days after that, on into next week and beyond), now

THEREFORE be it resolved by the Nimlet of the Province of Florencia that the Governor is hereby charged to present the standard described herein to the Royal College of Arms of the Kingdom, for approval as the new flag of the great Province of Florencia.

In proportion 8:5
Azure a fleur-de-lis florencée and in chief three barrulets or.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that should the draft be approved by the Royal College of Arms,

• the Governor is charged with convincing the College to provide a Talossan blazon for our new flag, and
• the Governor is also charged with begging and pleading with someone (such as the Royal Seamstress, Embroiderer, Silk-Screener, Crocheter, Hook-Rug Maker, Knitter, Needlepointer, Painter-By-Numbers, Tie-Dyer, Découpeur, Quilter, Cross-Stitcher, Spinner, Weaver, Leatherworker, and Whatever Else It Is She Does To Make Flags But She Said She Could Make Flags Person) to start making flags for official Florencian government use and for any and all other private persons, be they Florencian or just jealous, who may in their good sense request the same, and
• the flag that has heretofore been used as the provincial flag of Florencia shall be replaced in all forms of official display by the newly approved flag, but shall forever be accorded historical reverence and proudly displayed in any formal or informal celebrations or expositions on Florencian heritage and history.

Come noi credent, sa noi façarhent,
Shepherd Hooligan (RUMP)

[Róibeard Laira]

[slowly rises with grim affect]

Assembled members of the Nimlet, I stand before you today to denounce, nay decry, a great and unjust usurpation of power.

Apparently, in arriving late I missed the election of the Governor so I will use this innocent, unrelated bill to grandstand and posture in an ineffective way.

For it is this very bill, the issue of a new flag for our proud and magnificent province, that has sparked the lust for power in our othewise steadfast Governor, Nimlet majority member, Seneschal, RUMP party leader, former Senator, Fellow of the College of Arms, and member of the CÚG, My Lord Ma Ups Patritz la Mha Prüm Baron Tepistà.

Nay, he has not shown any desire before this to dominate or monopolize Talossan society.

And so I feel compelled as Florencia's minority leader to take action against this affrontery.

And yet, this simple flag, which looks great by the way, should be forever stained by the very actions of Ma la Mha, as if he made a weeping willow cry and it used our flag for a hankey.

Therefore, I propose to ammend the blazon of our flag to add a weeping willow proper crying a single tear.

Wheretofore I call upon our Cunstavais His Highness Prince Patrick to waggle his finger at the Baron, and for all of us other Shepards to impotently vote Non against the Governor's majority stranglehold on the Nimlet so that we can have our righteous indignation and our cool flag too.

[Hooligan]

[The Governor once again recognizes himself as he rises to reply to the comments of Shepherd Laira.]

Governor Hooligan, esteemed non-Hooligan members of the Nimlet, and Joan Cusack, should she happen to be paying attention --

As explained to the people of my fine province, including the loyal opposition, I was loathe to take such drastic action and appear to usurp the Nimlet and the executive of our province, but the inaction of the prior Nimlet induced me to the action. I further remind the members of this Chamber and all citizens of Florencia that my action was first threatened and then promised very publicly, with the prior Nimlet quite able but apparently unwilling to avoid such an outcome. This all served, obviously, only to convince the great and wise people of Florencia all the more to vote for the RUMP, knowing full well exactly what the leader of that party would do with the seats awarded to it by election, and knowing his honour-bound duty to -- as ever -- diligently follow-through on all promises made. Our province cried for action on the flag; it proved this cry with their lever-pulling for the RUMP; and it weeps not at this kick in the pants that its people have demanded.

Whoever it was who appointed the do-nothing members of the last Nimlet should be....well, uh, actually, never mind. In fact, let's pretend I didn't include this paragraph in an otherwise very sound and solid speech, shall we?

I for one (well, actually, for twelve) applaud Governor Hooligan for his upstandingness, and I express sorrow only at the fact that, as "The Raising Our Standards Act" points out, he is seemingly incapable of spinning webs of Spidey-Silk and of climbing walls. No one, I guess, is perfect (Peter Parker excepted, pending further investigation).

Having thus justified myself indignantly, I look forward to all of your ineffective Nons, for I will crush you like ants, and -- with callous disregard for your own objections to your will -- I will give you the new flag you want so badly.

[Róibeard Laira]

[Waits patiently for the hue and cry that is sure to come from the non-Hooligan Shepards...surely...I'll just give them a few more minutes.]

[Hooligan]

[The Governor recognises himself again.]

Hello, self. I recognise you. What's up?

Oh, I was just going to agree with the loyal opposition. I am sure that other non-Hooligan, non-Laira Shepherds will make their voices heard any minute now.

[The sound of crickets chirping continues as the Governor re-seats himself, leading 12-1 in the balloting over the Raising Our Standards Act, and nearing minute-by-minute to calling for a closure to the voting.]

[Hooligan]

[The Governor again, 70 hours later.]

Oh yes. Any minute now, I'm sure.

[He reseats himself, calling for another drink.]

[Hooligan]

[Guess who.]

Life in Florencia is so vibrant, is it not? Perhaps under a new flag it will get even more so. As Governor, I look forward to the responsibilities that would be put upon me by the bill being considered (or rather, ignored) by the Nimlet here, but it would be so much cooler if I had an even larger sense than has been given me so far that I have the certain backing of the other Shepherds to get us a new banner to run up the flagpole and salute.

Schi non, c'è la vida. I will be calling for an end to the voting soon. The count is currently 12-1 with three RUMP ignorami Shepherds, whose continued silence only makes their party leader weep like the willow that will not adorn our proposed new flag.

I yield the floor, so that I may listen to the echoes of my own voice from the walls of these hallowed halls of the House of Shepherds.

[And that he does.]

[Nic Casálmac'h]

With so many things to think about, it seems it slipped my notice that I had been granted a seat in the Nimlet. (With my brother being another one, I will bring this matter to his attention.)

As I stated before (in the last Nimlet), I like this new flag. If I were to create a flag, I would design something different, yet it is good to hold onto the ways of our old culture. Therefore, though my vote matters little except to let you know I have not vacated this seat, I hereby vote üc.

[Sevastáin Casálmac'h]

::The Shepherd dashes hastily up, pursued by a flock of sheep. He pauses to throw back the hood of his threadbare shepherd's cloak, and to prevent a too-friendly sheep from nibbling at the remains of his cloak.::

I must apologize for my tardiness in coming to this august (woolly?) assembly. When I was first appointed I understood that I was to be appointed a Shepherd. So I found, or rrather, commandeered, a flock of sheep and proceeded to do what I thought was my duty.

To make I long story short, I found that we were supposed to be not watching sheep, but rather voting on things, just like any other boring assembly. And so I stand before you now.

I feel a most righteous indignation both against the usurpation of power by the Governor, and for having to needlessly watch these sheep, and so therefore I impotently vote NON, and I call upon all my fellow Shepherds to abandon their herds of silly sheep and vote likewise.

I yield the pasture, er, floor.

::The Shepherd sits in the only seat he has been allowed.::

[Hooligan]

[The governor stumbles to his feet.]

The vote is 13-2, with His Highness Shepherd Prince Patch and Shepherdess Brainerd's votes still outstanding.

In response to the comments of Shepherd Casálmac'h, it only looks like "usurpation". Here, in fact, is a toast to "action" by any other name!

[The Governor raises his glass, then trips and falls.]

[Prince Patrick]

I like the design. I vote for it!
I will leave some time for the Sheperdess to vote before I abuse my unlimited powers (ah ha ha) by demanding the passage of this act (if my unlimmited powers allow me to demand stuff lilke that I mean).

[Hooligan]

The governor reports that -- based on the fact that this law has sufficient votes to assure passage -- he has approached the College of Arms as mandated by the provisions of this act (he has actually done so twice) and awaits the response of this august body. Currently, it is known that Columcille Pursuivant has taken favourable notice of the requests, but this is the only report that the governor has at this moment.

All Florencia awaits the opinion of the College of Arms, that we might have our new flag made up for us by S:da Brainerd (right, Cjara??)

Hooligan
Da Guv

[Cjara B]

Something like that, I forgot all about this bit of Talossa my lost, But in coming months it will be front in my mind,
I pledge no longer will the posting of and by my favorite Talossans detour my wondering feet from my homeland. NO more will the forward and untalossany views professed by the Talossans unable to partake of our nation currency (even though it doesn’t flipping work). Anyway no more for a while I got a week off from school, but I do promise to be a little more active and my participation or lack of is just hurting me more then most anyone else.