The Prime Minister on Governmental Activity

[Hooligan]

[The Prime Minister rises, notices that most of the legislators have filtered away for their well-deserved ten days out of their seats, working instead exclusively in the Hopper and in individual groups. Knowing that the little matter of an audience has never yet stopped a politician from speaking, he approaches the podium.]

My fellow Talossans...well, my empty chamber; whatever. I come before you...or rather, if you were there, I would be coming before you; whatever. As I look around the room, uh, okay, I suppose I should just trash this speech and wing it.

[The Prime Minister trashes his speech and begins winging it.]

First, I don't know if you all remember, but I promised you two speeches in the Clark and you only got one. Here's the second one, and maybe I will make it a tradition to deliver the second one after the end of the Clark. I hadn't thought of making this sort of scheduling a tradidion, but I must say, it sure is nice for me to reach this podium without being pelted by produce, poultry, and dairy products. I thank my absent colleagues for this rare privilege.

This little speech here is the promised update to the nation on the activities of our various cabinet ministries. As the Kingdom knows, I have pledged myself to be the "brutal taskmaster" to the Ministers, and if you ask any of the Ministers, I hope and imagine that they will agree that I am doing my utmost to live up to this claim. In fact, I have noticed that most of the produce, poultry, and dairy products I have had to wash out of my clothing this past month was hurled by the members of my cabinet.

So with no further ado, here is a brief rundown on the activities of your government over its first month in office.

• Ministry of Stuff. Minister Davis, aware of the important role his ministry is to play in this administration, leads the cabinet in activity. He has made himself so busy (with some help from his brutal taskmaster) that he continues to look for an assistant. The activities of the Ministry over the past month include (but are not limited to)
  • producing flyers for the citizenry to use to grow our nation (the citizenry is kindly reminded to get out there and use them!),
  • providing requested information to the foreign press (Yvi magazine is one example, and more will follow),
  • creating the Web pages on our Website for all of the Ministries that did not have a Web presence (check them out!), and
  • working with the Ministry of Finance on way cool material to be produced for distribution by the Royal Bank & Post.
  
  
• Ministry of Immigration. To say that the Ministry of Immigration is busy is an understatement.
  • Leaving aside those new citizens who have made it through the immigration process already, and who now enjoy the full benefits of citizenship, Minister Toctviac'hteir and his able deputy S:reu Dïeulofaçeva currently have [...the Prime Minister pauses to check his papers...] thirteen prospective citizens in the pipeline.
  • Many of these, as you know, have progressed to the point where the people of the nation are speaking with them, and many are eligible for petitions asking that they be granted what has been called the greatest thing money can't buy, Talossan citizenship.
  • In fact, I note that two more of the thirteen became eligible for petitioning today. I join the nation in looking forward to welcoming all who choose to become Talossans.
  • Believe it or not, the immigration process has actually been a bit slower than normal for the last couple weeks, as the Minister is doing double-duty until the Deputy is freed up from some outside obligations. Deputy Dïeulofaçeva is in charge of the process of immigration, and your Minister usually concentrates on the other projects that he and his taskmaster have agreed upon.
  • For example, the Minister of Immigration is working with the Ministry of Stuff on a brochure to be given to new citizens and prospectives to help them understand the institutions, history, and laws of their new nation.
  • Most importantly, the Minister has instituted the TalossAssist program, in which current citizens are "buddied" with a prospective, to help them at each step in the process, and ensure that they are never confused and that their interest does not wane before they realize that it never will. I join the Minister in begging...yes, begging...more of our current citizens to contact [e-mail] and say that they will be a TalossAssistant. I myself am a TalossAssistant, and we can use more of us.
  
  
• Ministry of Culture. The Ministry of Culture has a couple of very busy bureaus, and the Minister herself is busy considering a number of projects we should soon see coming out of this important Ministry.
  • As the nation knows, the National Ladintsch, head of the Bureau of the Language, has been extremely busy. Not only has he encouraged the private organization the CÙG to bring its informal activities to the nation and to reinstitute itself and plan an Arestadâ, but he has taken the lead in fulfilling this government's pledge to create an organization in which Talossan Language Associations can share their efforts and ideas. At the time of this writing, the charter of the organization is being reviewed by representatives of the second associaton that will go into it as a founding group.
  • The Bureau of Wargames is getting geared up, and has proposed (and been brutally taskmastered with) a great many projects that we hope will see our nation's national pastime get more of the attention that a national pastime deserves. The nation should soon see the National Gamemaster (code name "Joshua") encouraging the nation to involve itself in online and offline gaming competitions, and return the revered longtime culture of game design to the nation.
  • The Minister of Culture herself has many plans, and many have been proposed to her as well. For example, I imagine everyone has read about the proposal for a Fanfara to produce an electronic recording of Talossan musicians, playing together from afar to create Talossan music. These kind of cultural activities -- from the arts to the sporting fields -- are what you will see your Minister of Culture working with private Talossans to help produce. If you have any interest and ability, please do not hesitate to contact Minister Casálmac'h and offer to help!
  
  
• Ministry of Justice. Your Attorney-General has had a fairly lazy month, because no one seems to be in the mood to commit any crimes or sue anyone. This doesn't mean that he hasn't made himself busy, though.
  • The Attorney-General is an active participant in the drafting of legislation. Every Ziu member wishing to get a bill onto the floor is encouraged to seek the opinion of the Attorney-General on the legality and correct wording of the proposal. His input thus far has been invaluable, and the recent passage of The What's The Difference Act shows your government's Justice Ministry's promised work to clean up and clarify our laws regarding micronations.
  • As another case in point, the Attorney-General is currently hard at work on a draft of the bill which was promised in the platform on which your government was elected. He is working with the drafter on a bill to untangle the mess we have concerning the definition of treason, and get that straightened out once and for all.
  
  
• Ministry of Foreign Affairs. The Minister of Foreign Affairs is still getting geared up and taking stock of the condition of the various embassies of our nation around the world. Unfortunately, this month's visit to North America by the Queen of England did not include a side-trip to Talossa. Hopefully future visits by monarchs will include a stop in the North American monarchy on La Már Talossán. We're not mad at Liz, though; next time the Minister will be sure to invite her.
  
  
• Ministry of Home Affairs. Minister Deutschmann is also still getting his bearings in the job, and we encourage his efforts to work with Cestoûrs and make them aware of the Kingdom in which they live. The Ministry of Stuff works closely with Home Affairs to deliver literature and other material for use of Minister Deutschmann, and we all look forward to the fruits of his labour, as our Kingdom's activity at home increases.
  
  
• Ministry of Defence. Minister Betiñéir's return to office has him working the papers on a full desk.
  • Paramount in his efforts is the fulfillment of this government's promise to double the size of the navy.
  • If that wasn't enough, the Minister also plans to staff the Royal (but Remote) Bodyguard, and get a bunch of other military posts filled.
  • Reports from military observers continue to come in, and the Ministry remains vigilant and keeps the nation informed on our Website concerning the state of our defences.
  • A great success of the Ministry is the activity of the Primary Intelligence Group. Quietly, behind the scenes, and without credit, the Intelligence Director has been an extremely active Talossan lately, providing information for the various ministries to assist them in their work.
  
  
• Ministry of Finance. The Ministry of Finance is quite busy as well, and on two large-scale projects.
  • The first of these was mentioned a bit above -- the creation of items for distribution by the Royal Bank & Post. You should soon see the results of this effort, especially as the Ministry staff is scheduled to grow very soon, allowing it to focus even more effort on this task.
  • The second project is something about which I will say simply that a more complete report will be made next month, but that has kept the Minister of Finance extremely busy.
  • On the agenda for the Minister of Finance is the setting of the currency standard, a project that (when the taskmaster lays it out to them) will also involve the overworked Minister of Stuff.
  
  
• The Prime Ministry. With the rest of the cabinet so busy, the Distáin and I have nothing to do, so we are just sitting around and watch television. [The Prime Minister pauses for laughter, hears none, the chamber being empty. He clears his throat nervously, silently curses himself for having gone back to reading his speech without thinking, and continues.] In the little time left to us after the long hours spent taskmastering, we have managed to get a couple of things done. The Distáin and I both have had occasion to work with the Octagon & Crown to assist the Ministry of Stuff, and among other things, your Distáin traveled to the GTA and assisted the efforts of the Home Ministry by publicizing the Kingdom to the Cestoôrs.

There you have it, my fellow Talossans, -- your first monthly report on the doings of your government. I join all my ministers in stating that it is a privilege to serve this nation, and, with apologies to my dry cleaner for the fact that I will not be patronizing his establishment today after all, I thank the Ziu for not being here to hear this speech.

[The Prime Minister steps back from the podium, admires his still pristine suit coat, calls for a drink, realizes that even the bar is closed, and leaves the house.]

[Capt. Sir Mick Preston]

Missive from the Office of the Secretary of State to the Prim Minster's Office:

I have noticed that currently the Ziu is out of session. I also have noticed that someone left all the lights on in both Chambers.

Due to the increasing cost of energy, local and global warming issues, and the fact that someone has to change the burned out light bulbs...

Would you PLEASE assign someone to turn off all the lights on their way out?

Sincerely,

Mick Preston

Secretary of State

[Danihel Laurieir]

My Lord Prime Minister:

Bravo!

You've managed an excellent first month of government. The Government seems energized and productive. Even though your legislative record wasn't without a few glitches, your government is moving forward with great vigor.

I do hope you maintain the practice of making both tone-and-agenda setting legislative remarks at the beginning of a Clark and accomplishment-summarizing executive activity remarks at the end of the Clark.

With this speech, I hope to inaugurate an accompanying tradition of open, public questioning of the Prime Minister by members of the opposition parties.

Let me start on a fluffy note related to your comments on the Foreign Ministry.

During the Queen of England's recent visit to our neighbor, she crashed at a rather posh horse farm not too distant from the residence of the Countess and I, nor too distant from the abode of the Secretary of State.

Earlier today a photographer who had been invited—and approved by the Queen's people—to take pictures of her time in the Bluegrass, photographed my wife, the Countess. The photographer reported that the Queen, when off-duty, dressed very plainly in a very inexpensive flower patterned sun or garden dress and was not an at all interested in behaving in a majestic fashion (which, I hasten to add, does not mean she behaved boorishly—just plainly, without pomp, without thinking about memoirs and proper airs.) This, I confess, is the first favorable news I've heard of the Queen. My Irish Grandmother is turning in her grave to hear me say so, but it's true. (For those interested, the Countess was being photographed for a university department newsletter—not anything more interesting.)

Now, on to less fluffy matters…

At present, it seems likely that your party and my party will be introducing competing proposals relating to the monarchy.

Because there seems to be some reason to hope that we can reach a compromise on this issue, I'd like to propose that we attempt to work out a mutually acceptable proposal.

To this end, I suggest that both parties agree not to "Clark" their proposals in June, and instead work together to draft a common proposal to be introduced in July.

Because the RUMP is the majority party, I'm hoping that your party will organize this effort. However, I'm willing to spearhead it myself if that is your desire.

I think the chances of reaching an accord are good, and if it doesn't happen, the worst consequence is that we wait till July or August to submit our own proposals.

As a final request, I'd like to ask that you instruct each of your ministers to provide the Cosa with a report on their current activities and their plans for future activities. These reports would—in my vision of them—be much like the ones you've provided, except they'd contain a little more detail and perhaps some target deadlines for accomplishments. I'm afraid that, if such reports aren't forthcoming voluntarily and fairly soon, then I know of at least one Cosa member who will be demanding investigations into the affairs of the ministries.