November: Senate votes

[King John]

The portly and yet ruggedly handsome gentleman from Florenciâ, having waited sufficient time to ensure that nobody else wants to speak first, rises, sets down his large mug of "coffee", and addresses the august assembly.

My Lord President, My Lords, Gentlemen of the Senate —

I rise to speak quite briefly to the issues brought before us in the November Clark.

Our eminent Defence Minister Sir Trotxâ (and may I take this opportunity to congratulate my friend most heartily on his Knighthood?) has introduced a most Talossan bill establishing a Zouave company to act as the Royal guard. It should be clear to anyone that such an establishment is an urgent necessity for the well-being of our beloved King and our Kingdom, and is in the best traditions of the Talossan military. I vote për! on 36RZ7.

36RZ8 is, I believe, an improvement to the excellent Umpteenth Immigration Reform Act, based on our year of experience under that Act. Për.

I am far from believing that the Ballot Security Act, 36RZ9, will make our elections absolutely and perfectely fraud-free. But this is a step in the right direction, and I vote për.

Lord Lauriéir's Anti-Impostor and Liar Act, 36RZ10, embodies a valuable insight — that the Kingdom of Talossa, due to the dispersal of our citizenry over the whole face of the earth, has a particular need, more than other nations, to be able to trust electronic communications among our people. I would have been happier with this Act if the phrase "in the Kingdom of Talossa" in clause 1(c) were clearly defined; and I believe that notification of the Minister of Defence should not be required in clause 2(d), given that the Cabinet, in our system, is strictly subordinate to the Prime Minister, whose notification is already required. But these are minor defects in a well-considered and needed law; I vote për.

As to 36RZ11, the Equality in Voting Act, the "Whereas" clauses already contain most of my reasons for voting për. I would ask my colleagues to join me in passing this most advantageous reform.

Thank you for your attention.

He sits, picks up his becoffee again, takes a long pull, and leans back in his chair, a contented smile suffusing his manly countenance.

[Hooligan]

The Senator for Cézembre rises with a question for the Lord President.

Lord President Castiglhâ, I rise with a question for you.

(See, I told you so.)

Could we in the chamber perhaps inquire of you concerning the speech just made, purportedly by the Senator for Florenciâ? I am inclined to believe that it was, indeed, the said Senator who addressed us, but the description provided of him as a "ruggedly handsome gentleman" has me (and I imagine many others of this body) wondering whether it was indeed the good knight, paragon of the Woolley clan, for he does not answer to this description. If your Lord Presidentship could please confirm the identity of the speaker -- for any of those of us who were, perhaps, oh, just to cite one example, looking at the bottom of our drinking vessels during the speech in question -- it would be appreciated.

The Senator sits.

[Lord Q]

The Lord President sets down his iPod and removes the earbuds from his ears.

I'm sorry, what was that, Senator Lord Hooligan?

[Hooligan]

The Senator for Cézembre clears his throat to answer LPQ:

Just wondering -- would you really call Sir John a "ruggedly handsome gentleman"?

I mean, hey, come on.

With as much decorum as he has (and as much liquid as his glass holds -- neither of which is anywhere near enough in his book, especially the latter), the Senator sits.

[King John]

Perhaps — if I may offer a suggestion — it's only the ladies who can properly appreciate the sheer hunkiness of the humble gentleman from Florenciâ.

— Anonymous

[Olaf]

Excuse my interuption into what appears to be a rather important senate subject. I find myself moved to rise and cast my votes on the Clarking thingumjigs. So I beg your patience for a moment.

I vote yes, and/or UC, on all the legislation before the Senate in the November '07 Clark.

I, however, didn't notice in the act concerning the Zouaves any room for the various Zouves' coats of arms on their uniforms. But it sounds like an extremely kewl idea aside from that.

Thank you.

[Trotxâ]

Over in the medieval side of the Chamber, close to the large fireplace and among the heavy wooden furniture, the portly and not ruggedly handsome gentleman from Vuode stirs. The previous accouterments of this back corner of the Chamber: the pillows, tapestries, rugs and hookah, have been removed, revealing the original heavy timbers and stonework. Having removed his shield, helm and armour (which are now arrayed behind him on a stand), he drains the last from a large leather tankard, and stands to address the August Assembly:

My Lords, good nobles and knights, and esteemed fellow Senators -

With many items before us for consideration, I rise, but I shall be brief. My votes on the proposals before this August Body are:

36RZ7. The "Daft Guard" Act: Për and about time!

36RZ8. The Immigration Reform Reform Act: Për

36RZ9. The Ballot Security Act: Për

36RZ10. The Anti-Impostor and Liar Act: Për, although I share some previously mentioned reservations. I hope to work with my brother Senators to amend this fine start. I thank Lord Lauriéir for his wisdom, his insight and his efforts on this.

36RZ11. The Equality in Voting Act (Amendment): Për

And in the Vote of Confidence in Sir John's appearance, I vote Për on the portliness and Austanéu on the ruggedly handsome. The latter vote is because, as Anonymous says, only the ladies can properly appreciate.

While I have the floor, I thank the aforementioned Sir John and everyone else for their kind words and congratulations on my most unexpected knighthood. Thank you all.

My Lord President, I yield -

Sir Trotxâ

He sits heavily, and gestures to his aide, a buxom brunette who appears to be wearing only a peasant skirt and tight leather jerkin. She refills his leather tankard from a large tun branded with the word "SACK". He props his feet up on the near andiron, and looks content.

[Hooligan]

The Senator for Cézembre stirs himself, roused from his near-slumber by the strong scent emanating from a leather tankard located elsewhere on his proud side of the aisle.

My Lord President, my fellow Senators, I wish to make it known that I have cast my ballots for the issues currently pending before this fine -- and, I might say pointedly, much too dry -- body, in person to the Secretary of State, and as follows:

36RZ7. Any bill with the word "daft" anywhere near it gets my vote. Well, at least this time. Për.

36RZ8. Any law drafted by me cannot possibly be perfect, so any bill amending such a silly act gets my vote. Well, at least this time. Për.

36RZ9. Thirty-six is exactly four times nine, making it a square that is itself the product of two other squares, and I cannot possibly resist voting for a bill with such a mathematically attractive number. Për.

36RZ10. It's not only a bill against impostors, but one against liars as well. I'm going to take a bold stand against both of those kind of people, and say Për.

36RZ11. As the leader of the party that benefited most recently from the current set-up, I cannot in good conscience say that this would benefit the nation, since my party is the best hope of the nation. Arrogant, huh? Long story short, I vote Contrâ. If only this bill were 36RZ12, which would make one of its constituent numbers an integral divisor of the other -- then it would have probably earned my vote. Such are the breaks.

I yield the floor, and call for some of whatever it is my esteemed colleague from Vuode is drinking.

The Senator sits, leans toward his friend the Vuodean knight, and inhales deeply.