Post by Sevastáin Casálmac'h on Apr 1, 2008 21:00:58 GMT -6
The Gnomenclature Act
WHEREAS there are many supposed “Laws of Physics”, and
WHEREAS none of these “Laws” were ever passed in the governing body of any nation, including Talossa, and
WHEREAS this is very undemocratic, and therefore un-Talossan, and
WHEREAS something so much against the ideals of our great nation should be remedied, and
WHEREAS these “Laws” seem to at times go against common sense, and
WHEREAS we are a young nation and thus willing to accept new ideas, and
WHEREAS it is right that we should take a leading place among the nations of the world, and
WHEREAS the study of the universe is one area in which we have a chance to enlighten the rest of the world, and
WHEREAS it is time we threw off the superstitions of the past, which are held only to give prestige to an elect few, and
WHEREAS Ockham’s razor says "All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best." and
WHEREAS there is a far simpler explanation than that which has been taught throughout the past centuries,
THEREFORE to replace the undemocratic nonsense known as the “Laws of Physics” the Ziu hereby declares that the Laws of Gnomenclature shall take their place, and they may be summarized as follows:
1. At the beginning of the universe there was only the Great Gnome, Atom, after whom many heresies (such as atomic theory) have been named. In less than a nanosecond after he came into being, he exploded into trillions of lesser gnomes, which rushed away from the point of explosion. This event shall be referred to as the “Horrendous Space Gnomeblooie”.
2. The entire universe is therefore composed entirely of Gnomes, which are the fundamental building blocks of everything. All physical phenomena can be explained in terms of Gnomes. The nature of a substance is dependent on the type (which is determined by the color of hat each Gnome wears) and arrangement of the Gnomes in the substance. Each elemental form of Gnome has a different hat type, but, due to special circumstances, Gnomes may change hats, becoming a different type of elemental Gnome. Compound substances are formed from different types of Gnomes in close association.
3. The state of a substance, (whether solid, liquid or gas) is dependent on the level of the excitation of the Gnomes. Gnomes that are not very excited form solids, in which the Gnomes hold on to their neighbors’ hands, feet, or hats, depending upon the substance. As the Gnomes become more excited (they really are excitable little fellows), the specific bonds between the Gnomes break, but they are still attracted to each other, and hence form a liquid. If they continue to become more excited, some of the most excited Gnomes will completely leave the liquid, and become free floating. The level of excitation at which a Gnomes throughout a substance will become excited enough to leave the liquid, is called the boiling point of a liquid. The study of the excitation transfer process is called Thermodygnomics.
4. Because all Gnomes are descended from the same ancestor, Atom, the force known as “gravity” to the anti-Gnome heretics can be explained in terms of the Familial Affection Gnomes have for one another. All Gnomes are by nature rather friendly little chaps, and they love to party. When a smaller group of Gnomes sees a larger party, they are naturally drawn to it. This fact was discovered by Sir Isaac Gnometon as he sat under an apple tree.
5. The phenomenon called “magnetism” by supposed “scientists” results when Gnomes have family quarrels. The fact that some substances are more likely to be magnetic is due to the fact that some Gnomes are more quarrelsome than others.
6. “Anti-matter” is the result of Turkesephrosomnescites, evil, carnivorous dragon-caterpillars that are the deadly enemies of Gnomes. When they meet, they fight so fiercely they tear each other to pieces, thereby mutually annihilating each other.
7. “Dark matter” is explained by the fact that all Gnomes cast invisible shadows many times larger than themselves, thus comprising a large part of the universe.
Furthermore, the Ziu shall establish the Gnomebel Prize to be awarded every year to an individual for outstanding work contributing to the gnowledge of Gnomenclature.
Uréu q'estadra sa:
Nic Casálmac'h, Senator
Sevastáin Casálmac'h, MC (RUMP)
