“El Tîmp Tent Venescù…” Môi

[Nic Casálmac'h]

“El Tîmp Tent Venescù…” Môi

TANDI QË quând la vidâ zevient borînd és bart, el tîmp va pr’iens cînxh,
TANDI QË tál ünâ cambiaziun isch bastánt fáþil és pü që poûçivál aireçar,
TANDI QË váintsch-vuit års isch trô lung për iñen cosâ remáinar el mismeu, és
TANDI QË în acest tîmp qët anáintsch füt cumpetêns declina à estéir tzïep,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN qët nomineva trâns toct acests års el Regipäts Talossan,
Serà nun és daincêts estarë vetüst come el Estat d’Anarc’hïa.
À staziuns së schlac’ht! Preparetz për la metamorfaziun! preparat Kafka?

TANDI QË tiraziun üna resoluziun sembla valar noi resolvarhent qualse’cosâ,
TANDI QË noi non volent resolvar på qualse’cosâ qualsevol non povent oscillar,
TANDI QË cün els cînxhs altreux ün num noveu sembla ben és apropriäts,
TANDI QË isch ocså ben tirë la variaziun svo að ça non serà enuxhînd,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN ça serent nominats Lorês, Buclats és Môis.

TANDI QË “Azul” isch ün salôid së tál curzirciteu és notsch duftatïu,
TANDI QË fostadra estarë pü që ün singúl për toct cumprencar,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN serà ün salôid noveu és uficiál për toct säparë,
És serà “Ben Morgun astrâ brenînd, la tzarâ zïa bunâ ziuâ!”

TANDI QË fostadra estarë ün remplaçînd për el Zog, el salüt uficiál,
TANDI QË el vell isch nun ausoláiteu, ûnfáþil façarë, és trô seltsam,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN noi perventürâ cumißiunent ün salüt noveu:
bombar upp, atzariçar în la ‘en guarde’ posiziun, és zirarë “Ni!”

TANDI QË el slogán naziunál füt “Meichen Huone on Hänen Valtakunta”
TANDI QË acest isch så ausoláiteu non pü deserva iñensortâ da caprarïa,
TANDI QË ün slogán cuntent el moct “regipäts” tent aucün pläts careu,
TANDI QË el Estat s’Anarc’hïa demanda ün remplaçînd serà sütavál aici,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN el slogán isch “La Glhimbâ Së Vürs isch Sverðeu
És acest els citaxhiêns fossent auscultar, aprendar és säparë.

TANDI QË “Taco Bell” isch aucün sütavál pläts spistar în tál ün ageu moderneu,
TANDI QË üna formâ nouâ së vidâ înschì anáintsch bentôpt ischà àl modâ,
TANDI QË acests basarhent på silicôn, qualsevol isch poûçivál în siensiâ,
TANDI QË silicôn isch üna întenescù în electronics és estracar isch poûçivál,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN la voratrinâ daincêts serà “Radio Shack,”
Qissen existaziun nuncâ sofriadrent üna mancançâ.

TANDI QË xhúar zuerietâs isch trô seriös és tîmp-gaspiglhar ün svag naziunál,
TANDI QË noastra svag fostadra estarë qualse’cosâ façarë à iñen tîmp,
TANDI QË zespitzi noschtri ziferençùns sînt las cosâs tienent în xhointeu,
TANDI QË embù els fäctsilor és el säp sostienent acest (eu non ludicréu),
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN el svag naziunál serà el scambiaziun së cauçetâs,
Façarë com'evri desiretz, siat cuspiciösmînt eda ladínmînt.

TANDI QË noastra ërxhënt curîndhas tent estescù basat ërxhënt dür da cervieþâ,
TANDI QË în l'apiarançùit isch sovînt la surçâ embù da la coinonïa és la ligrïa,
TANDI QË à fäts isch cuntenescù el alcoþôl, që isch afectat dischtêpt së si,
TANDI QË isch ün boiçál altreu és miglhôr serà afectat voi à diviárseu vïa,
TANDI QË non fostadra estarë cuntirë el alcoþôl, la sücrâ, eda iñen chemicáls,
TANDI QË àl cuntrár fostadra estarë cuntirë las înteneschti sînt natüráls,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN ërxhënt dür serà el boiçál së Jeeves,
Ün mixtür zesegñheva exårar tú geþírn és atxuteva voi pensar.

TANDI QË për si server come ün Prominé fost estarë tent plürs capacitàs,
TANDI QË Gloria Estefan mostra solamînt tres capacitàs pü eda mïus,
TANDI QË el þümoûr isch—come fost estarë—toctziuâ és toct i pläts versatzíl,
TANDI QË la ridaziun isch ben, és el þümoûr isch echidâ qët la vidâ isch över,
TANDI QË “Tres serà el númerul tú comptarhás, és el númerul da la
comptaziun serà tres. Qator tú non comptarhás, ni comptarhás tú douâ, salva që tú aglhôrc procedarhás à tres. Simcâ isch anoviárs.”
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN els Tres Schifreus sînt repaxhats come els Prominéns,
És os—non solâmînt toct els citaxhiêns—serent els bunafaçats.

TANDI QË noi se tigñhovent considerat toctziuâ tirë ün þeritátx Taloçáit,
TANDI QË acests Taloçáits tigñhovent estescù zisternar trâns el mundeu,
TANDI QË lor existaziun isch duftatïu, és estadrent complätsmînt imaxhinár,
TANDI QË si që säpent estarë zisternar trâns el mundeu sînt els rebels,
TANDI QË acests rebels tenadrent esteschti cunfundats cün els Taloçáits,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN noi zesclarent el noastra þeritátx cün els rebels,
Com’acest adelmás os tigñhovent combatat,
Els noschtri bandiéirs tigñhovent süravôirat,
Sînt els noschtri anceisoûrs, el noschtri ereus,
Com’acest noi sovenênçarhent acest toctzuiâ.

TANDI QË noi povent poûçivál bunafiçar da tiraziun üna þistôriâ praixhúdiçâ,
TANDI QË toct la þistôriâ recordaziun sofria da aceastâ éivâs, comprís el înalt,
TANDI QË isch apetivál që aceastâ éivâs isch esvitat schi sînt üna escasençâ,
TANDI QË aceptar tál ün glhibreu estadra estescù initziatar ün progreçéu grült,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN aprendar noastra þistôriâ aglhôrc liretz “El Schloßeu”,
Más schi liraziun acest isch që consideretz estarë ün pestéiraziun,
Aglhôrc isch ün glhibreu da grült fáþilità în liraziun és isch paßïu
Estadretz supstitats anstadâ; acest glhibreu isch “La Sidâ Procul”.

TANDI QË el útzil da negreu és biançéu isch ausoláiteu, és belonga àl paßescù,
TANDI QË el útzil da roxh és vîrt isch non miglhôr és el mismeu dal lasteu,
TANDI QË tondavôn që douâ-cînt-siméinçe-sex coloûrs nun considerent pocs,
TANDI QË come noi pogñhevent considerar el útzil da solamînt douâ?
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN noi zesclarent që toct serà în tréinçe-douâ bit colour,
Që neviens pensarha që noi sînt ospréi noastra tîmp în vigoûr.

TANDI QË el roxh és vîrt Bicoloreu se presentar për që isch relevînt iñen mhôr,
TANDI QË aceastas cosâs belongent à las las ziuâs da dîn dTîmps paßats,
TANDI QË isch ün rascátz da ün împeratôr qi compreva els riegadìns noveus,
TANDI QË toct säpent exampál da lo és noi povent aprendar muiteu da lo,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN noi zesclarent ün drapéu noveu, që isch mostrat sub,
És si qi non vident ça non sînt deneus és nun fossent zespartar.

TANDI QË la anþem uficiál füt “Chirluschâ àl Glheþ”, qualsevol isch trô seriös,
TANDI QË ça ocså deserva ün cînxh estarë în üntrac’ht cün toct d’altër,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN, la anþem uficiál nun serà “Rida és Scherna.”

Rida és Scherna
Sesta là, ridetz
Á tú glheþ Talossán.
Txamáis praitença
Da negar tú drept smaidar!
És ca’scù ziuâ,
Ár propreu “Ni” parlar;
Sovenenç’ la tzarâ,
Acratéu c'è ben d'estarë!
Va, extendarha
Anarc’hïa së divertà,
és grültiçarha
Ár calucjeu noziuns!
El glheþ del moct “Ni”,
Aprenda, parla, scriitzi;
Aglhôrc voi se nominetz
Els ardíts “Cnec’hts da Ni”
Noi sînt els schurúls
Da ár noveu glheþ cortéis--
Afletz ideas estrágñhs
és extenda trâns mundeu!
Oxhi sonora
’n pliadâ antaloûr:
“¡Crid’ cadascù þorâ
Që eu sînt Calucjeu!”

TANDI QË nun tienent pü da înformaziun és üna façiun nouâ da pensar,
TANDI QË noi säpent nun që noi anáintsch guardevent üna cresençâ stäts,
TANDI QË noi volent noschtri cresençâs toctziuâ estarë drept és vräts,
TANDI QË noi travalarhent leiðrestar toct la falsità n’împorta come minì,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN estadra säpescù în xhenerál el mundeu secedeva,
És în particulár els Estats Viensiçeschti d’Americâ secedeva.

TANDI QË în ün Estat s’Anarc’hïa isch non pü ün fost për iñensortâ da regeu,
TANDI QË el cün la titlâ “Regeu” non fost tirë el scurzniátx da els devéirs,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN nun serà non pü estarë si qi toctziuâ dûciarha,
Más apoartarha upp el ariéir, sânc iñen plán previös da thoct.

TANDI QË el priväts non isch verscháin—fortáßis ûnpoûçivál—bunafiçar toct,
TANDI QË ün fost për els aventüriéirs sembla indicatar ün calleu înalt és novál,
TANDI QË aceastas cosâs non povent estarë så auschiglhapúnt që y cosâs grült,
TANDI QË la cosâ ausolümînt la pü valút isch acest që asigüra üns rîds så mült,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN els Aventüriéirs Privätsilor qi uveidievent el legeu,
Nun—în el devéir altreu—serent nominats els calucjeux püblìci.

TANDI QË fost toctzuiâ estarë qët noi nominadrent üna canziun uficiál,
TANDI QË aceastas noi nominent nun aceastâ titlâ sînt în notsch necorré,
TANDI QË neviens nun cuntzina las canziuns “Ein Feierlichgesang” és “Tusk”,
TANDI QË aceastas non pü deservent ün pläts, cáir lor tîmp tigñhova ultimat,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN noi perventürâ zesclarent las aceastas canziuns uficiál,
Viens: acest gloriös és iterneu, “La Canziun Që Nunca Termina”;
Douâ: “La Canziun Që Toct I Tzarâ Esolëscha”, non irecordavál,
És toct säperent, úçarhent és cüritarhent aceastas, schi sînt capavál.

TANDI QË el númerul da noschtri citaxhiêns adüc füt—és isch—soleu aliquînds,
TANDI QË isch apetivál që noi becoment com’evri poûçivál à más els citaxhiêns
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN noi úçarhent aceastâ înventziun isch nominat “EBay”
Listar à vhînd las citaxhienitàs, så plürs që noi praticálmînt povent.

TANDI QË noschtri politicâs da înmigraziun tigñhovent neceßat reformaziun,
TANDI QË fost estarë embù üna sençù da säpençéu és üna sençù da rümâ,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN la meþodâ nouâ és miglhôr da înmigraziun serà
Që noschtri citaxhiêns noveus rëspúnsarhent tres fragas,
Avînt els benefiteus undervárs da citaxhienità os vident:
1. “Qët…isch tú num?”
2. “Qët…isch tú reçerçâ?”
3. Për el corentic ministreu da înmigraziun zesterminar.

TANDI QË ün früstüglh da el poßeçál în el estat da Visconçâ
isch så mült trô titeu që non pogñheva ceafar noi toct,
TANDI QË la Mircoûr isch del sol trô proximâ, qualsevol non isch divertà,
TANDI QË la Vinereâ isch trô britxînd és ûnsütavál és ocså propi enuxhînd,
TANDI QË el Mars isch trô extrêm caldeu és ça resembla ün pint titeu,
TANDI QË el Xhüpistár tent trô da maß és ivën pü trô da gäs,
TANDI QË el Saturn isch façat da ünas cosâs strôinschâs és tent els anéls,
TANDI QË el Neptün isch ün coloûr amaçînd da bléu és pirantüm shockînd.
TANDI QË el Üranüs vienarë del moct “çéu” és isch ascunçat da el uglh nü,
TANDI QË el existaziun del Pluto come üna eraticâ non pü agrea cün la siensiâ,
TANDI QË la Tzarâ isch non pü come ça füt avînt és nun enuxha másmînt
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN zespäts isch ün pläts seltsam, noi movent à Camelot,
Për seltsamità valeva ûncupaválità, da qualsevol non isch avuôndeu.

TANDI QË toct és variösen ausolümînt nuncâ fossent votar për ün regeu,
TANDI QË tenadra estescù üna cosâ rídischlops, ausîrd és farstadoûr,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN üna xhù da “Texas Hold ‘Em” zecidarha la resultà,
És non pü, ni mïus, që nouéinçe és simcâ Bens ris'charhent,
(Toct els mîmbreus del Cült Müsteriös és Executïu xhúarhent),
El gagñhéir da la xhù serà permitat castar el münts
Las fuglâs: el dûceu del PRPM; els cäpsilor: atentetz ‘n altreu fäts.

TANDI QË så mült naziuns tienent ün prüm ministreu és tenadra nil façarë,
TANDI QË povadra schi tenadra embù ün num és ün ert që füt noveus,
TANDI QË în üna anarc’hïa non pogñheva zesclarar solamînt ün prüm diktat,
TANDI QË fost estarë për o üna clamadâ nouâ és grült, schi sustinadra,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN üna titlâ nouâ és els devéirs grülts, qualsevol lo fäts
El Victì Posterioûr és zesclararha las Prüms Custùs Entracuôsts.

TANDI QË serent så plürs els mîmbreus da la Cosâ që raziunavál
TANDI QË fost estarë qualse’cosâ që façarë si ziscriminataziun,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN fost tirë ün num så lung és întzereçînd që poûçivál.

TANDI QË për la perdaziun del num da la Cosâ non ün singúl tenadra plörat,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN serà säpescù à toct come el Trücribcosâfürlücinanità.

TANDI QË d’apostà el númerul dels dvergoûrs és da las provînçùs sînt seifet,
TANDI QË isch conveniençéu tire ün num à nominar ün Senatôr,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN els Senatôrs cadascù és toct serent nominats ün num
Corëspúnsaziun à provînçù, és el mismeu del num del dvergoûr:
Înxhegñhôl—Maricopa
Cruzitînd—Ataturk
Doc—Florencia
Feliceu—Cezembre
Somnös—Maritiimi-Maxhestic
Snizaziun—Vuode
Timit—Mussolini

TANDI QË la telaragñhâ isch säpescù come la surçâ miglhôr për la avertiçaziun,
TANDI QË isch toctzuiâ tîmp quairar à las îportunitàs nouâs da c’horsicâ,
TANDI QË ünas tec’hnoloxhàs sînt developadâs dürånt els års îmbráif chirchent,
TANDI QË adüc à els vejs anciînts da el natür ça non txamáis proxim viennent,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN noi cumißiunent las aragñhâs chentenáirsen
Façarë üna telaragñhâ da tál destreçâ cumpläts és contort
Që noi non cuntzinent da thoct schi estarë schpéit.

TANDI QË non fost estarë üna preferençù à ün pärts del corputz súper ‘n altreu,
TANDI QË els brätsilor për certán non sînt el pärts empitschar ni façarë taravást,
TANDI QË els colêtschti non sînt aceßivál à toct és pu që ün früstüglh scoléir
TANDI QË zespäts isch poûçivál rectifar aceastâ situaziun, ça fost estarë nun,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN el Colêtx d’Armeux rinominat el Nursarái da Tavsálts,
Servar el Estat d’Anarc’hïa cün respectù grült és griußaziun.

TANDI QË els abíts sînt grotzs és sütavál în el þivereu és els climätsilor freds,
TANDI QË noi fossent tirë els cospertoûrs apoartar cunfîrtaválmînt toctzuiâ,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN el nun Nursarái da Tavsálts emestarha
Els camisâs-Ts da Tavsálts, qualsevol apoartarha
Så mült që praticál és els tîmps altreus ocså.

TANDI QË el Legeu Orgänic füt el legeu principál da noastra naziun,
TANDI QË toct cosâs orgänic fost à c’hauçâ da natür îmbráif ultimar,
TANDI QË acest Legeu Orgänic non pü încorpora acests prîncipáls careus,
TANDI QË fost estarë ün substitüt për acest legeu, qualsevol à nhoi vicinar,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN noi zesclarent el legeu süprêm da noastra tzarâ
Estarë la Circumfluençâ da Cunschösità ÛnOrgänic és Ûnscriut;
(És schi voi vëletz säparë ça contagñhats iñentîmp daincêts
Aglhôrc çerçar da dîn ça va aici për la voastra conveniençù.)

TANDI QË isch non ün raziun resquirar aprendar ün glheþ që isch ûnaprendavál,
TANDI QË el glheþ uficiál corentic isch—schi non quist—ûnpronunçavál,
TANDI QË el glheþ fost estarë ça që toct els citaxhiêns úçadrent és säpadrent
TANDI QË els citaxhiêns non fossent façarë els esperfôrçs svo að aprendadrent,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN el glheþ uficiál daincêts serà el pü simpil és utzíl:
Ça qomsistarha praticálmînt és complätsmînt del moct “Ni”.

TANDI QË noi fossent zonarë þonör à acests qi aprendar el noastra glheþ ben,
TANDI QË fost þonör à tál vïa që toct els citaxhiêns fáþilmînt ziradrent,
TANDI QË fost encoraxhar iñen és toct qi non tigñhovent attainat el þonör,
TANDI QË füt altrafäts aßoçiatats cün acest ün Urðëri da Cnec’htat,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN acests qi aprendent el glheþ toctzuiâ serent zonats
El drept încuntrazicivál nominar steçéu els “Cnec’hts da Ni”.

TANDI QË qualsevôis crezitent që toct las cosâs bunâs fossent ultimar,
TANDI QË el valü és el vrätsità d’acest isch ûnfáþil començar cumprencar,
PËR ACEASTÂ RAZIUN acest Moe non serà considerat terminar nuncâ,
Más à fats piararîftarha, és aglhôrc ça començarha 'n altreu fats
Attempiar afcastar që non füt détxâ, és ça continuarha àl fîm.

Uréu q’estadra så: Nic Casálmac’h
Sevastáin Casálmac’h

[Nic Casálmac'h]

“The Time Has Come…” Moe

WHEREAS when life grows—or has been—dull, the time comes for a change,
WHEREAS such an alteration is quite easy and more than possible to arrange,
WHEREAS twenty-eight years is far too long for anything to remain the same, and
WHEREAS in that time what once was cool declines to the level of the lame,
THEREFORE what has been called in all these years the Kingdom of Talossa,
Shall now and henceforth be known as the State of Anarchy.
To battle stations! Prepare for Metamorphosis! Ready Kafka?

WHEREAS Will is a nickname of William and a variation of that is Bill,
WHEREAS we don’t want our legislation to seem akin to a deceased’s Will,
WHEREAS in connection with the other changes a new name seems fitting,
WHEREAS it is also good to have variation so that it shall not be boring,
THEREFORE they shall henceforth be known as Larrys, Curlys and Moes.

WHEREAS “Azul” is a greeting of such short stature and doubtful meaning,
WHEREAS there ought to be more than a single one for all to be gleaning,
THEREFORE there shall be a new official greeting that all must come to know,
And it shall be “Good Morning Starshine, the Earth says Hello!”

WHEREAS there should be a replacement for the Zog, the official salute,
WHEREAS the old is now far outdated, difficult to form, and much too cute,
THEREFORE we hereby commission a new salute that henceforth shall be
To leap up, landing in the ‘en guarde’ position, and say “Ni!”

WHEREAS the national motto has been that “A Man’s Room is his Kingdom”
WHEREAS this is so old-fashioned it no longer deserves any manner of stardom,
WHEREAS a quote containing the word “kingdom” can have no place dear,
WHEREAS the State of Anarchy demands a replacement that will suit here,
THEREFORE “A Man’s Tongue is his Sword” is now the official national motto,
And this the citizens must first hear, then learn and finally know.

WHEREAS Taco Bell is no fitting place at which to eat in such an advanced age,
WHEREAS a new form of life formerly unknown shall soon become all the rage,
WHEREAS those shall have as their base silicon, which is scientifically feasible,
WHEREAS silicon is a constituent in most electronics and to extract it is possible,
THEREFORE the official fast-food restaurant shall henceforth be Radio Shack,
The existence of which may we never suffer the slightest lack.

WHEREAS war-gaming is far too serious and time consuming a national pastime,
WHEREAS our pastime ought to be such as we can take part in at most anytime,
WHEREAS no matter our differences there are things we all have in common,
WHEREAS both facts and knowledge support this (assuredly I do not gammon),
THEREFORE the national pastime shall henceforth be the swapping of socks,
To be done however you like, whether openly or slyly as a fox.

WHEREAS our currency has until this time been based upon a reserve of beer,
WHEREAS in appearance it is often the root both of fellowship and good cheer,
WHEREAS in fact it contains alcohol, which affects one’s judgment adversely,
WHEREAS there is another, better drink that shall affect you most oppositely,
WHEREAS it should not contain alcohol, sugar, preservatives or any chemical,
WHEREAS on the contrary it should contain ingredients that are wholly natural,
THEREFORE the reserve behind our currency shall now be in the Jeeves’ Drink,
A concoction designed to clear your mind and help you think.

WHEREAS for one to serve as an entertainer he or she must be multitalented,
WHEREAS Gloria Estefan shows only three talents at which it may be hinted,
WHEREAS humor is—as it must be—always and everywhere very versatile,
WHEREAS laughter is good and humor is most definitely what life is about,
WHEREAS “Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the
counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.”
THEREFORE the Three Stooges are hereby recognized as national entertainers,
And they in addition to all and sundry citizens shall be the gainers.

WHEREAS we have always considered ourselves to have a Berber heritage
WHEREAS we also know that there are inaccuracies in the use of language
WHEREAS these Berbers are in fact known as Reb-Rebs most accurately
WHEREAS these so-called Reb-Rebs are known as Rebels most commonly,
THEREFORE we recognize our heritage with all the rebel groups in the world,
And so with them we have fought, our banners have unfurled,
They are our ancestors, our fathers, and above all our heroes,
So shall we remember this in all our joys and in all our woes.

WHEREAS it could not possibly benefit us to have a history that is biased,
WHEREAS all recorded history must suffer from this fault, even the highest,
WHEREAS it is desirable that this fault be avoided if there is a slight chance,
WHEREAS accepting such a book would be to bring forth a great advance,
THEREFORE if you wish to learn our history then you must read “The Castle”,
But if reading this is what you consider to be too much of a hassle,
Then a book of far greater ease that is available nearly worldwide
May instead be substituted; said book which is “The Far Side”.

WHEREAS using black and white is outdated, and belongs to the far past,
WHEREAS using red and green is no better—and no different—than the last,
WHEREAS even two hundred and fifty-six colors is even now considered few,
WHEREAS how could we even think about considering the use of only two?
THEREFORE we now declare that in thirty-two bit color all shall henceforth be,
That none shall think we are behind our time when ours they see.

WHEREAS what the red and green bicolor flag stands for is germane no more,
WHEREAS these things belong to the days long ago and remain only in lore,
WHEREAS there is a tale of an emperor who bought new clothes upon a whim,
WHEREAS his example is extensively known and we can learn much from him,
THEREFORE we hereby declare a new flag, a picture of which is shown below,
And those who see it not are unworthy and from us must now go.

WHEREAS “Stand Tall Talossans” has been the official anthem (in English),
WHEREAS it deserves a change so that it will not seem like a forgotten dish,
THEREFORE our new official anthem shall be “Sit Down, Anarchists.”

Sit Down Anarchists

1. Sit down, anarchists, be polite and crack a smile,
No foe nor villain can fool you with lies and guile,
Raise high your drink, your jokes spread throughout the land,
Loyal to our anarchy, we have it all in hand.

2. Laugh at the old traditions of red, green and king,
Our anarchy’s tale is made up as we’re going,
Jokes, fun and nonsense, a heritage to change,
According to our notions, no matter how strange.

3. We are the present, the best of all in the world,
Hold fast your laughter while citizen rolls unfurled
Show our great success. Raise the noble, fervent cry:
“Go tell the nations that a great fool am I!”

WHEREAS information and a new way of thinking have come to our attention,
WHEREAS it is now known that we previously held an erroneous position,
WHEREAS we want our beliefs always to be the ones that are true and right,
WHEREAS we will work to correct error no matter how small with all our might,
THEREFORE let it be known that in general from us the world has seceded,
And the United States of America in particular has seceded.

WHEREAS in a State of Anarchy there is no longer a need for a ruler or king,
WHEREAS the one hitherto titled king should not lack duty or any such thing,
THEREFORE he shall no longer be the one who in every circumstance will lead,
But shall bring up the rear, with no prior design or specific heed.

WHEREAS anything private is not likely—perhaps impossible—to benefit all,
WHEREAS a need for adventurers seems to indicate some high and noble call,
WHEREAS these things cannot be as helpful as grander things by even a half,
WHEREAS most absolutely valuable is anything that can provide a good laugh,
THEREFORE those who as Private Adventurers were sworn to uphold the rules,
Shall now—though in different duty—be known as Public Fools.

WHEREAS there ought always to be what we may consider an official song,
WHEREAS those now considered under such name are in meaning wrong,
WHEREAS no one cares now for the songs “Ein Feierlichgesang” and “Tusk”,
WHEREAS these no longer deserve a place, for they have come to their dusk,
THEREFORE we hereby recognize as those songs that a loyal citizen defends,
One: that glorious and eternal one, “The Song That Never Ends”;
Two: “The Song that Gets on Everybody’s Nerves”, unforgettable,
And these shall be known, used and cherished by all that are able.

WHEREAS the number of our citizens has hitherto been—and is—too few,
WHEREAS it is desirable that we procure however we may citizens new
THEREFORE we shall make use of that wonderful invention called EBay
To list citizenships to be had, as many as we possibly may.

WHEREAS our immigration policies have needed reform for some time,
WHEREAS there must be both a sense of reason and a sense of rhyme,
THEREFORE the all new and improved method of immigration shall be
To require that our new citizens answer questions three,
Ere ever the wonderful benefits of citizenship they see:
1. “What…is your name?”
2. “What…is your quest?”
3. To be determined by the current immigration minister.

WHEREAS a small bit of territory in the US state of Wisconsin
is so much too small that it could not hold us all,
WHEREAS Mercury is too close to the sun, which couldn’t be fun,
WHEREAS Venus is rather too bright and just not in any way right,
WHEREAS Mars is too extremely hot and looks rather like a dot,
WHEREAS Jupiter has too much mass and even more too much gas,
WHEREAS Saturn is made of strange things and moreover has rings,
WHEREAS Neptune is an odd color of blue and extremely cold too.
WHEREAS Uranus means “sky” and is hidden to the naked eye,
WHEREAS Pluto’s existence as a planet no more has science to it,
WHEREAS Earth has become a bore and is no more as it was of yore,
THEREFORE we hereby move—since it is a silly place—to Camelot,
For silliness meant innocence, of which enough there’s not.

WHEREAS all and sundry most definitely must not ever vote for a king,
WHEREAS that would be a most ridiculous, absurd and nonsensical thing,
THEREFORE by a game of Texas Hold ‘Em the result shall be decided,
And no more, nor less, than ninety five Bens shall be bid,
(It shall be played by all the Mysterious Executive Coven),
Winner to flip the coin—tails: RUMP leader; heads: try again.

WHEREAS too many nations have a prime minister and he’d have naught to do,
WHEREAS there could be if he had both a name and profession that were new,
WHEREAS in an anarchy he could not possibly issue even one prime dictate,
WHEREAS there must be for him a new and greater calling, if he will but wait,
THEREFORE a sophisticated new title and higher duties, which him makes
The Rear Victim and, as his right, to issue Prime Rib Steaks.

WHEREAS there shall be as many members of the Cosa as is feasible
WHEREAS there ought to be something to make them distinguishable,
THEREFORE they must take a name as long and interesting as possible.
WHEREAS for the loss of the name of the Cosa not a single one would sob,
THEREFORE it shall henceforth be known to all as the Thingamajigamabob.

WHEREAS coincidentally the number of dwarfs and provinces are seven,
WHEREAS it is convenient to have a name by which to call a senator, then
THEREFORE the senators shall hereafter each and all be called by a name
Corresponding to province, called after the dwarf of the same:
Dopey—Maricopa
Grumpy—Ataturk
Doc—Florencia
Happy—Cezembre
Sleepy —Maritiimi-Maxhestic
Sneezy—Vuode
Bashful—Mussolini

WHEREAS the web is known as the best promotional and informational source,
WHEREAS it is always time to seek out new opportunities as a matter of course,
WHEREAS new technologies are developed while the years pass so quickly by,
WHEREAS still to the ancient ways of nature they cannot ever even come nigh,
THEREFORE we hereby commission the countless spiders a new web to create
Of such elaborate and intricate skill that we care not if it be late.

WHEREAS there ought to be no preference to one body part over any other,
WHEREAS arms are certainly not the part about which to have a lot of bother,
WHEREAS colleges are not accessible to all and more than a little high-brow
WHEREAS since this situation can be rectified, it definitely ought to be now,
THEREFORE the College of Arms is hereby renamed the Nursery of Knuckles,
To serve the anarchic state with high deference and chuckles.

WHEREAS coats are usually heavy and suitable only in winter and cold climes,
WHEREAS we ought to have garments to be worn comfortably at all times,
THEREFORE the now Nursery of Knuckles T-Shirts of Knuckles will issue,
Which shall be worn as often as possible, and other times too.

WHEREAS the Organic Law has hitherto been the primary law of our nation,
WHEREAS all things organic must by their nature come soon to termination,
WHEREAS said Organic Law no longer embodies those principles held dear,
WHEREAS a substitute for this law must be found and to us brought near,
THEREFORE we hereby declare the supreme law of our land in seriousness
To now be the InOrganic Unwritten Stream of Consciousness;
(And if you should wish to know its contents anytime hence
Then to search within you may go here "]http://www.google.com]here for your convenience.)

WHEREAS there is no reason to require learning a language that is unlearnable,
WHEREAS the current official one is—if not the former—unpronounceable,
WHEREAS the language should be one that all citizens may use and know
WHEREAS they should not have to make strenuous efforts so they may do so,
THEREFORE our official language shall a simple and most useful one be:
It shall consist practically and actually entirely of the word Ni.


WHEREAS there should be given honor to those who learn our language well,
WHEREAS it should be honor in such manner that all citizens might easily tell,
WHEREAS to encourage any and all who have not attained the honor it should,
WHEREAS there has been formerly associated with this an order of knighthood,
THEREFORE those who learn the language shall henceforth and always be
Given the inalienable right to style themselves Knights of Ni.

WHEREAS some people believe that all good things must come to an end,
WHEREAS the value and truth of this is hard to even begin to comprehend,
THEREFORE this Moe shall not be considered to have ended now or ever,
But shall in fact pause, and then shall begin again to endeavor
To accomplish what it has not already, continuing on forever.

Uréu q'estadra så: Nic Casálmac’h
Sevastáin Casálmac’h

[Sir C. M. Siervicül]

Wow.

I'm speechless.

Bravissimo!

[Sir Alexandreu Davinescu]

Good gravy... a tour de force!

Well, done, Capitan!

[Hooligan]

Good morning Starshine, the Earth says Hello Nic and Sev,

The First of April will never be the same. Or, perhaps, you have assured that it will always be the same. Just the way we like it.

Hi ho, hi ho,
Happy until April 14
(a.k.a. Hooligan, represented by Doc)

[Lord Q]

I vote PER!!!

[Nic Casálmac'h]

The hyperlinks got left out and I couldn't figure out a way to make them properly, but you now have a link to the InOrganic Unwritten Stream of Consciousness.

Edit: there, I've got it now.

[Deleted]

I'm so glad no one was around when I was reading this or I would have gotten weird look from the random bouts of laughterness and falling off of chairness.

[Prince Patrick]

Instead of just letting anybody call themselves Knights of Ni, I think it should be reserved as a special title and normal citizens should be called Nis or children of Ni or citizens Ni or some other such name.

[Nic Casálmac'h]

pattyw said:

Instead of just letting anybody call themselves Knights of Ni, I think it should be reserved as a special title and normal citizens should be called Nis or children of Ni or citizens Ni or some other such name.

An interesting idea. But who's going to do the reserving? I mean in a State of Anarchy all can do whatever they want. If it is a special title it needs someone to bestow it. The Rear Victim will be too busy issuing prime rib steaks, and the king will be bringing up the rear so he is just about the last one to do it, and that does not really leave anyone else. Who then?

[Bleic'h Ianescu]

Almost has the feel of a Thurmond filibuster....

Very well done though, especially the Talossan!