Some Shiny Objects

[Sir Alexandreu Davinescu]

From the Office of the Distain

The Shiny Objects Act passed without significant opposition this past Clark. Actually, I believe it passed unanimously, which indicates it was nowhere near controversial enough and probably should have contained some questionable language or dubious clauses to generate customary arguments and divisive remarks. Angry debates over nothing are an important national tradition.

More to the point is that the Act specifies that some items be provided for the leaders of our nation to represent their dignity. You can read the act for yourself here, but the substance is this:

"1. The Seneschal shall wear a chain of office of sufficient ostentation as befits the leader of Talossa, representing the burden of being shackled to the nation's welfare.

2. The Secretary of State shall wield a stamp embossed with the logo of his office, being both an effective and appropriate totem that can be used henceforth.

3. The Chief Justice shall bear a silver-haired wig of reasonable quality, indicating a traditional role as a judge and the flowing locks of Lady Justice herself."

Now, these items are directed to be provided by the government "as speedily as possible," but since they will cost money, possibility will provide for a sedate pace indeed. In my capacity as Distain (translated commonly as "deputy" or more pleasantly as "handsome deputy"), I thought it would be behoovey (bah HOO vee, adj. Being of such a quality as inciting behoovement) to toss this out to the people before the accursed bureaucrats such as myself get their hands on it, and find out if anyone actually happens to have any stately wigs, a stamp-maker, or (least likely) a chain of office that might serve. We aren't going to accept just anything, but still and all it's worth a shot. You never know who used to make rubber stamps in their spare time.

Here are some examples of what I had in mind:

This is part of the new Patriotic Usage of Relevant Resources initiative, a project of the Office of the Distain and an attempt to bring the government to the people and utilize all of the abundant resources of our nation. Anyone with any questions or concerns about the government, or who wants information and help getting directly involved with local or national governing bodies, should contact the Office at [e-mail]

[Çelís del Þeracour]

Perhaps we should modernize this a bit. I, for one, would like to see the Seneschal in all the appropriate layers of rapper BLING jewelry complimented by a nice set of gold teeth (with imbedded diamonds).

[Hooligan]

My Talossan sisters (or at least the eldest one) can back me up on the fact that our mom wore wigs back in the day ("the day" being the great many days that made up the 1960's), but I don't think she has any laying around anymore to donate to the Kingdom.

As the Seneschal, I will be more than happy to comply with the law and wear a fancy chain, but as for 'hooding it up with gold teeth and all, I am quite pleased that this is not in any way a legal requirement -- my successor in office, whosoever that may be, may wish to decorate himself or herself that way, but not I. Bling on an old fat bald white man does not a distinguished Talossan make.

Sincerely,
The OFBWM in office

[Ieremiac'h Ventrutx]

I was shopping for a fireman's dress uniform hat actually ... just for this same reason! I should pay more attention.

[Sir C. M. Siervicül]

jeremiah said:

I was shopping for a fireman's dress uniform hat actually ... just for this same reason!

Cool! The type of hat is a "bell cap," FYI.

[Çelís del Þeracour]

mha said:

My Talossan sisters (or at least the eldest one) can back me up on the fact that our mom wore wigs back in the day ("the day" being the great many days that made up the 1960's), but I don't think she has any laying around anymore to donate to the Kingdom.

Yes, blonde shag hairdo - for those of you who don't know what that means, it was identical to Mrs. Brady on the Brady Bunch...No, I'm sure they are gone but we have a Hannah Montana blonde wig that I would be happy to donate to the project.

[Hooligan]

I commend the Distain for taking responsibility to see to the execution of this way cool Shiny Objects law. If indeed no one steps forth with donated Shinies, I do as Seneschal hereby ask that the Distain ready and prepare a shopping list to obtain the said Shinies, and we denizens of the government will introduce a budget bill to allow the government to spend extravagantly into the next Cosa, on all things listed, and the expense of any Shiny acquisition(s) shall be line-itemed therein for approval by the Ziu.

Hooligan

[EM Vürinalt]

celise said:

Perhaps we should modernize this a bit. I, for one, would like to see the Seneschal in all the appropriate layers of rapper BLING jewelry complimented by a nice set of gold teeth (with imbedded diamonds).

Fo shiz, fo shiz.