Proposal - Talossan Martial Art Form

[Çelís del Þeracour]

I would like to propose to the Minister of Culture that we create and adopt our own Talossan form of Martial Arts. Many other sovereign nations have a form of martial arts that they identify with (In Korea - Tae Kwon Do; Israel - Krav Maga; In China - Kung Fu; in Laramie Wyoming the "Parlor Roll" - oh wait, that isn't a martial arts form or a sovereign nation...)

I believe that we could develop a form that would embody our culture. My proposed form of martial arts would be focused on protecting the beer in one's hand and would focus on creating a series of blocks, kicks, and punches - including even the belly bump and hip bumps to fend off a would be beer thief, bouncer, or mooching date.

This is a project that I would like to own and hope that I can work with my fellow citizens to make this form as popular as Berber Football and Opera.

Please let me know what you think and if you approve, how you would like me to move forward with this idea.

[Hooligan]

I always heard the famous trip called the "Buckhorn Roll" - is it that the younger generation, in drunkenly rolling down the stairs from the Parlor Bar to the Buckhorn Bar, not know where they are ending up? If so, they're not doing the roll right. Don't make me come up there....

Hooligan

[Sir C. M. Siervicül]

Interesting idea. There is a stick-fighting martial art from the Canary Islands (originally settled by Berbers) called lucha del palo. One wonders whether it could be related to "El Matreg," another stick-fighting art from Algeria. I'd bet that they can easily be adapted to use pool cues.

[Çelís del Þeracour]

Thank you Sir Siervicül for doing the historical research - and finding the Berber connection that will further legitimize this form. I thing we need to start by naming our the National Form. I have been working on some steps - and some drawings to demonstrate the steps. I will email those documents to Lord Hooligan when I am done. Unfortunately, this project has taken me away from my interpretation of the new Opera - but I am determined to get that done some time.

[Sir C. M. Siervicül]

We have two citizens (Vürinalt and Daviescu) who currently practice Shotokan karate, and who therefore might be interested in a project like this.

[french99]

The United Kingdom has its own venerable and ancient martial art form known as 'Quibbling'. Originating at around the time of the Battle of Hastings, King Harold initiated the art by declaiming "I don't think that's a regulation sized Norman arrow that just rammed its way through my eye!"

Adversaries take position and edge to wards each other by a variety of covert methods. The quibble can turn downright nasty and this can lead to people being 'cut dead' in the street and being a little 'out of sorts for days. In fact the United Kingdom was a little miffed for the whole of 1914-1918 and a little out of sorts between 1939 -1945. You see how bad it can be?

A particularly bold and dangerous game, English Quibbling is feared across the known world and many restaurants. The overarching term of 'Quibbling' involves fatal sub genres such as 'damning with faint praise' ,and 'Being a last word Queen'.

The Scottish form of Quibbling is called 'Kent his fayther' and is particularly destructive [socially].

[Çelís del Þeracour]

french99 said:

The United Kingdom has its own venerable and ancient martial art form known as 'Quibbling'. Originating at around the time of the Battle of Hastings, King Harold initiated the art by declaiming "I don't think that's a regulation sized Norman arrow that just rammed its way through my eye!"[socially].

I do think that we should build some of this into our newly revitalized form. I have drawn up a paper - of some historical value - on the Talossan Martial Arts form as I realize that it was actually developed in Ataturk...and me an Ataturkey, imagine that.

[Çelís del Þeracour]

siervicul said:

We have two citizens (Vürinalt and Daviescu) who currently practice Shotokan karate, and who therefore might be interested in a project like this.

I am currently studying Tae Kwon Do as well so I will definitely reach out to Vürinalt and Daviescu. I did actually complete some initial background research on this form. I have not heard back from the Minister of Culture on this idea, so please tell me if I should send this preliminary work to someone else. It is in Word format.

[Daniel Filan]

I did Judo for a while, but even the wussiest of martial art forms (it's name literally means 'the gentle way') was too gruelling for me. Anyway, maybe the art could incorporate elements of that.

[Çelís del Þeracour]

danielfilan said:

I did Judo for a while, but even the wussiest of martial art forms (it's name literally means 'the gentle way') was too gruelling for me. Anyway, maybe the art could incorporate elements of that.

Thank you for volunteering to be a part of this initiative (did you realize that is what you just did?). I am still awaiting for approval from the Minister of Culture but when that is obtained we will be able to work as a team to revitalize this "ancient" form. I have decided (I mean discovered) that the ancient relics documenting this Martial Arts form were discovered in my home Province of Ataturk.

[Sir C. M. Siervicül]

danielfilan said:

I did Judo for a while, but even the wussiest of martial art forms (it's name literally means 'the gentle way') was too gruelling for me. Anyway, maybe the art could incorporate elements of that.

It's hard to get wussier than Aikido, which I studied for only a semester but really liked. I'm kidding about the wussiness, of course. I think Aikido, Judo/Jiujitsu, and the "drunken" Chinese martial arts forms (e.g. Drunken Money and Drunken Fist) would be appropriate influences for a Talossan martial art.

[Çelís del Þeracour]

But we can't forget the "wussiness" factor of Tai Chi - any martial arts form that is primarily practiced by people over the age of 70 (no offense to anyone) and that is practiced in slow motion like an old Six Million Dollar Man show definitely needs to be built into our style as well.

And, what art form would be complete without the vague parables and meaningless wisdomated quotes from the television series "Kung Fu". I think that our form should require such parables.

So this is what I have:

1 - We need to have quibbling
2 - We need wussie moves
3 - We need to have slow motion moves like Tai Chi..extremely exaggerated.
4 - We need to have moves whose titles begin with "drunken"
4 - We need to have confusing parables that appear to be wise.

[Dréu Gavárþic'h]

"the tiger says to the lotus flower that he has seven gumdrops in his pocket"

[Hooligan]

I offer as my humble contribution yet another line-item to be numbered "4" (which seems to be the upper limit): that a student of this art form might be known as "Sautareglha" (Talossan for "Grasshopper"), or perhaps as "Hortüneir" (which, as best I can tell, through various languages of origin, would be a Talossanisation of the name "Carradine").

[Capt. Sir Mick Preston]

Hey!

I got first dibs on anything 'Shao-Lin" around here.