Post by Sevastáin Pinátsch on Apr 22, 2014 16:02:31 GMT -6
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the show.
I know what you're thinking. They'll give a show to anyone in Atatürk these days, won't they? That's true, but that's not the half of it. Actually, they'll give a broadcast license to anyone. In fact, I started KATV just a few hours ago today. The bar is incredibly low. If even two people tune in to this I'll have met the viewership hurdle set by the show's underwriters. So thanks for blowing my ratings through the roof by virtue of an errant click or a passing glance to satisfy idle curiosity. While your adoration would be lovely, I can stay in business without it. Really, it looks all the same on the metrics sheets.
First up, our inaugural Top 10 List. Ladies and gentleman. Eh. Who am I kidding? Lady and gentlemen, here are the...
Top 10 Rejected New Names for the Province of Benito
10. Frank ("It's a nice name. President Nixon had a hedgehog called Frank.") 9. Manitoba ("They have a Benito. We should have a Manitoba.") 8. Beatrix ("Maybe we could sell children's books. Think of the tourist trade.") 7. Arnaldo ("His brother wasn't nearly as bad, was he?") 6. Ben ("Shorter, and ironic.) 5. Benigni ("You know, for comic relief.") 4. Roberto ("We did the first name last name thing before. It kind of worked, didn't it?") 3. The Nation formerly named after a Fascist Dictator 2. She Who Shall Not Be Named
And the #1 Rejected New Name for the Province of Benito?
Beano - The Gas Preventer (sponsored by Prestige Brands, Inc.)
Post by Sevastáin Pinátsch on Apr 24, 2014 2:56:33 GMT -6
Welcome back. Coming up later in the program, I'll be interviewing your friend and mine, Munditenens "Dien" Tresplet, but first... a confession.
I am but a small man, Not physically, mind you. My barbell squat is up to 495.5 pounds and with a good arm clamp and a bit of highly-focused effort I could easily pop your lungs like a child's birthday balloons... but I fear it's just not enough.
Yes, it's true. More often than not, I lie awake at night lusting for the power I don't possess. And like you, when life pressures me, I wish I had the means to squish it back. So with that in mind, I dispatched Intern Dave to a warehouse in Vuode where he squashed a variety of objects with an 80 ton hydraulic press for the sake of pure amusement. I must caution sensitive viewers: This footage features the destruction of currency, but is otherwise good, clean fun. I hope you enjoy.
Post by Sevastáin Pinátsch on Apr 29, 2014 8:19:16 GMT -6
Lady and Gentlemen, my first guest has a hand in writing, publishing, and political affairs. And while in the presence of some men in his line of work I'd caution you to guard your pockets, you won't find this man's hand there.
In his two years in Talossa he's made us laugh and made us think. One of his literary contemporaries, Óïn Ursüm, described his newspaper as "truly an asset to our printed culture." Won't you please put your hands together for Munditenens Tresplet? Dien! C'mon out!
Take a seat. It's great to have you here...
You seem like a great guy with a good sense of humour and an interesting—possibly criminal—social life. Case in point, as Royal Governor of Péngöpäts, you issued a" a full pardon for any and all felonious or otherwise bad acts that may or may not have been committed by Munditenens Tresplet on the date of May 12th, 2000. — DECREED JULY 9th, 2012/XXXIII. AMENDED July 12th, 2012/XXXIII"
Now, keeping in mind your legal immunity, what the hell did you do exactly? Was alcohol involved? And how many penguins?
> First off, thanks for letting me on your show. This is my first Talossan interview, and if I'm not mistaken, the first interview ever to be on a Talossan public access show, which I'm quite proud of. I see you've really spruced up the studio here—I quite like that Japanese Peace Lilly.
Thanks. I actually borrowed it from Brad Holmes' office. I'm seeing how long it'll take him to notice.
> I must say, when you started the interview with "You seem like a great guy with a good sense of humour" I felt like I was reliving the summation of my high school dating experience. "Oh, Dien, you're a really great guy with a good sense of humour, but I think we should just be friends." Then I realized, wait a minute, I didn't actually have a high school dating experience! *smiles*
The more we talk, the more we have in common it seems. But c'mon. Tell us about the night that never was.
> Back in May of 2000, after a quick jaunt in the 'ol Talossan Time Machine, me and a couple flightless friends of mine decided to have a few drinks somewhere between the South Pole and Marie Byrd Land, because, why not? For some reason, I couldn't really handle my drinks that night and blacked out pretty early on, and after I woke up, I found out a man had died of methanol poisoning. The flippers all seemed to be pointed at me, so I hopped back into the Time Machine and made it back to the present to declare myself pardoned from whatever it is I might have done. Just in time, too, because the hangover was coming on.
I'd say you've got plausible deniability on your side, but a pardon never hurts. Speaking of the TTM, we've actually got to go back in time for the Talossan Press Association Awards. Would now work for you?
> Sure! Let's go. I've been looking forward to the presentation!
[Sevastáin and Munditenens exit from the studio door, stage left, then enter the studio again from stage right instantaeously]
I really enjoyed that. How'd I do up there? Never done an awards show before.
> I loved the presentation! And I'm honored and humbled to be picked for the Saint Maximillian Kolbe Award for Fine Writing. *smiles*
I hope we didn't spoil it for anyone. You really should watch it for yourself, folks. KATV is showing re-runs on-demand forever, if I understand correctly.
Anyway, we should continue the interview already in progress!
What are some of the logistical difficulties at play when governing a territory that no Talossan, including yourself, has ever seen?
> Oh no, I've seen it. Remember that pardon I gave myself?
Sorry, I forgot. The time travel is messing with my head a bit. Continue.
> Umm...to be frank, I've had the same logistical problems that I've had since day one—those damned trains still won't run on time, I can't even remember the last time we've held an Ice Flats 200 (probably because there hasn't been one since I've taken office), and the penguins complain daily about, well, they're penguins...I can't really understand them. And of course, certain members of our legislature think it is fun to introduce...and then deliberately vote down acts that would make the territory a proper province, which is just plain cruel if I may say so myself.
It's almost a yearly tradition, isn't it? I'll be waiting for that next bill to be floated.
Speaking of which, I've been watching, with interest, the great job you're doing as Senator of Maricopa. How are you enjoying the gig?
> As far as gigs go, I'm enjoying myself. I mean, its much better than the time I worked as Evander Holyfield's towel boy in '97. In all seriousness, I am just honored that the people of Maricopa elected me to serve them, and I will do my best in that regard.
How does it match, or mismatch, your hopes and expectations? And what inspired you to throw your hat in?
> To be honest, I really just threw my hat in to challenge my good friend BenArd, who been in the running against then-Senator Canun before Canun dropped out of the race. I jumped in to give him a good run, and I guess it was good enough to win it.
Well, as your neighbour and a frequent visitor, I've been pleased—and admittedly a little envious—to see your committment to the people.
On the theme of inspiration, I was obviously keen to jump on the bandwagon and join the Talossan Press Association. Thanks for playing along with my monologue at the Awards ceremony, by the way.
Beyond just increasing its activity and membership, what are your big dreams and plans to revitalize the organization?
> As far as big dreams go for the TPA, keeping up our current level of journalistic activity would probably be it. I mean, my other big dream was to put up a website for the organization and to create some sort of media aggregator, which was completed by our hard-working Vice Chairman of Digital Media recently.
It was a pleasure. I appreciated the opportunity to take on the challenge. Anything else on the radar?
> I do plan to host our first TPA Convention fairly soon on our new website, which includes election of officers. I also plan on retaining an "in-house counsel", so to speak, that will be available to assist in the legal representation of any of our affiliate members.
Interesting. I'd like to see how that feeling of support empowers the journalists and publishers. Perhaps that will also attract some new members.
From that thought, one last question. As a relatively new immigrant, I've already seen a lot of applicants come and go. Some during immigration, some almost immediately after getting citizenship. What brought your here, and what's kept you here?
> I'd heard about Talossa when I was doing some poking around in the world of "micronations"—which, might I add, Talossa isn't—and lurked around for a while before I finally joined. I remember staring at the application page thinking that the essay requirement was going to be almost torture, but when I finally decided to apply, writing the essay came easily.
As far as sticking around, I will say that I have had many a moment where I have thought about leaving, but I guess just the general charm of Talossan life is what kept me going. I've made many a friend in the Kingdom, which is where the "charm" comes from. And no, charm isn't a cereal. You're thinking of Lucky Charms. You know, with the leprechaun?
I may or may not have heard of that cereal. Also: I may or may not have bought it at 3 a.m. at a nearby 24-hour supermarket, only to eat it in one sitting in the privacy of my basement at home. > I may or may not have done that, too.
Could you get me a pardon?
> Come by my office tomorrow. We'll talk.
Lady and Gentlemen: Munditenens Tresplet! Thanks for being here, Dien.