How to Request Arms

[Hooligan]

Every citizen of the Kingdom of Talossa is considered a member of the gentry and may therefore distinguish himself or herself from the 40,000 person Cestour population of the Kingdom by obtaining a grant of a coat of arms from His Majesty the King.

This post contains information that a would-be armiger should know, concerning the College of Arms, the ancient art of heraldry and its application in the Kingdom, the achievements of arms that are available, and the procedure to be followed to request a grant of arms.

• How Arms are Granted. The King of Talossa will grant the right to bear a coat of arms to citizens only in response to a petition made to the King by the Royal Talossan College of Arms. Citizens may not obtain an audience with the King directly on matters of arms.
  
  The full, ordinary procedure for obtaining arms, is:
  
  
  • A citizen requests arms by posting a specifically formatted request on this board. In true Monty Python imitation, this post must answer Three Questions.
    • What is your name?
    • What is your request?
    • What is your favourite colour?
    The answer to the second question must be "If it so please the Squirrel King of Arms, I request the assistance of the College in designing and obtaining arms for myself and my lawful heirs."
    
  • After this post is made, the Squirrel King of Arms should be the first one to post thereafter (indicating whether it does or does not please him).
    
  • When the Squirrel King posts that he would be pleased to grant the offered assistance, he will refer the matter to the Dean of the College, indicating that the Dean will assign the project to some Collegian or other.
    
  • The next post should then be from the Dean of the College of Arms, who will get the College to work on the request, assigning a primary Fellow or other Collegian to the project (but all members of the College will of course be able to contribute as the project moves forward).
    
  • When the project is complete, it will be referred by the Dean to the Squirrel King for approval, and if approved, the Fellow in charge of the project will create a petition to be presented to His Majesty the King by the King's Officer the Squirrel King of Arms, requesting the grant of the designed arms at the next scheduled Day of Honours, or at the King's pleasure.
  
  
• When Arms are Granted. The College of Arms will petition the King to issue a grant of arms only on specific days of the year, known as "Days of Honour". These days are established by the College on a calendar that may be changed at any time by command of the King. The most recent calendar listing the Days of Honour, which has been in use since the accession of King John, can be found on this Webpage.
  
  
• What to Do if you Want Arms. The College of Arms stands on ceremony and rule, and must insist that the procedure to request its assistance be rigorously followed. This procedure is given in step 5 of this Webpage. However, the College also insists that all citizens approaching the College should follow steps 1 through 4 on that page as well, before posting the (properly-formatted) request for arms that is described in step 5.
  
  
• What Shape Will My Coat of Arms Be? If you are male, your arms will be emblazoned (drawn) on an "escutcheon" (a shield shape). If you are female, your arms will be emblazoned on a "cartouche" (an oval shape).
  
  
• Can I Design My Own Coat of Arms? When you approach the College of Arms for assistance, one of the fellows of the College will be assigned to help you design the arms that will be presented to the King in the petition. Your arms will indeed be a reflection of your wishes and your personality. The College will not present a grant of arms to the King unless you yourself have been intimately involved in creating it, and are completely happy with it.
  
  
• How Does the College Help Me? The College is there to ensure that the arms you design are legal according to the ancient rules of heraldry. These rules have been in place for many centuries and although they may initially frustrate your choices in designing your coat of arms, they are there to make sure that your arms are properly constructed and easily distinguishable. Among the terms you will get to know are:
  
  • "Colours", "Metals", and "Furs". The items on the arms you design will have specific "tinctures". There are three groups of tinctures, as follows: The COLOURS include vert (green), azure (blue), sable (black), and gules (red). The METALS include argent (silver or white) and or (gold or yellow). The FURS include a number of patterns imitating in a stylized way the fur of various furry creatures, and these fur tinctures have names like vair and ermine. There is also a tincture known as "proper" (which in most cases is brown) that is typically used to colour the drawing of an animal. (Note that in the Kingdom of Talossa, the use of the tincture "purpure", which is purple, is discouraged on coats of arms.)
    
  • The Rule of Tincture. This states that no colour may be "on top of" another colour, and no metal may be "on top of" another metal. This rule is there to make sure that your arms have a good colour contrast so that when they are seen at a distance they can be recognised.
    
  • The Rule of Complexity. This states that the arms you design must not be overly crowded or complex. The Talossan College of Arms counts "complexity points" and only rarely will accede to petitioning the King for arms that exceed eight points in complexity. Each different tincture on a coat of arms adds one point, and each charge (object) on the coat of arms is one point. Additionally, divisions of the arms into separate parts by things called "ordinaries" (for example, a diagonal separation of the shield into two separately tinctured areas) are also one point apiece.
    
  • The Slot Machine Rule. This states that you may not have three (or more) different objects (charges) of the same size on your arms. This rule exists only because arms that have such designs look silly.
    
  • Differencing. Differencing is a way of modifying, or marking, an already-existing coat of arms, held by a member of your family, to indicate that you belong to the same family. Typically, sons and daughters of an armiger hold the same arms as their parent, simply with a "difference" added to them.
    
  • Canting. When a coat of arms is created in such a way as to visually represent specific spoken words (usually the name of the armiger), this is known as canting. For example, the arms of Talossan citizen Eugene Oh contains an annulet (which is a ring, shaped like the letter, and sound, "O"). Canting is one of many techniques you might consider when designing your achievement of arms.
    
  • TCF. The College of Arms has a rigorously undefined standard that it uses to measure the Talossanity of the arms being proposed. This is known as the Talossan Coolness Factor (or TCF for short). The College frequently leans towards designs that introduce into the blazon (the written description of the arms) arcane words that sound really cool and that no one but a geeky, heraldry-breathing nerd would have a clue about. For example, a coat of arms that has a blazon which uses a word that hasn't yet been used in any other Talossan blazon has an inherently higher TCF, especially if you have to look for at least an hour on Google to find out what the word even means. The College only hopes that some petitioner will soon choose to emblazon their arms with that most Talossan of "charges", the "bonacon". Hope springs eternal.
    
  
  
• Can I Use a non-Talossan Coat of Arms? His Majesty will grant a citizen the right to use a non-Talossan Coat of Arms only if it can be proven and demonstrated that the citizen is the direct lineal descendant of the person to whom some other monarch (that is, the King of England, of Italy, etc.) granted the right to bear those arms. If this cannot be proven, the arms shall not be borne in the Kingdom of Talossa.
  
  
• Can I Use My "Family Coat of Arms"? There are several web sites that purport to offer a "family crest" or "family coat of arms" based on nothing more than a surname. Citizens requesting arms must remember that arms are granted to individuals, not to surnames, and entitlement to bear a particular design cannot be presumed from identity of surname alone. If you request a design identical to or based on a pre-existing achievement of arms, you must be prepared to identify the armiger who was originally granted those arms and demonstrate your relationship to that armiger. You will not be granted arms that imply your descent from an armiger to whom you have not demonstrated an actual relationship to the satisfaction of the College. Of course, some surnames naturally suggest certain charges or design elements (e.g., canting arms or occupational items) that commonly appear in the arms of individuals of that surname who are not related. Such charges, logically related to your surname, are permissible so long as the overall achievement does not create the impression that it is based on the arms of a particular non-relative.
  
  
• Can I Get a Motto Too? Members of the gentry are eligible for the achievement of a coat of arms, but no other achievement. Persons who are admitted by the King to an order of knighthood are eligible to add to this coat of arms the achievement of a belt (indicating the order of knighthood to which the knight or dame belongs, if any), a draped helm, and a motto. Members of the peerage (barons, baronesses, counts, countesses, dukes, and duchesses) are eligible to add to their achievements a motto, a crest, a helm, and mantling. Members of the royal family hold arms with a motto, a crest, a helm, mantling, and supporters.
  
  
• How Can I Become a Knight (or Dame) or a Peer? The only way to do so is to prove to your King, over an extended period of time, that you are a dedicated, industrious, and valuable citizen, who works tirelessly for Talossa, her institutions and culture, and her King, and who provides service to the Royal House, His Majesty's Government, or the realm that merits special recognition by the Crown.
  
  
• What Is The College of Arms? The College of Arms is an Office of the Royal Household. The post of Squirrel King of Arms is a member of the Royal Household who is appointed by the King of Talossa, and who oversees the College with the assistance of its Dean, who is elected by the members of the College. The College is made up of heralds (the senior members of the college), pursuivants (the next-senior members), and fellows. The College also is responsible for establishing all social protocol for address and accommodation of the royalty, the peers, and the knights and dames, and maintains the Department of Vexillology, which studies, designs, and maintains the official descriptions of all flags of the realm.