The Prime Minister on Legislation for the 2d Clark

[Hooligan]

[You-know-who leaves his seat and the catcalls begin.]

S:reu Speaker, distinguished guests from the Senate, friends and countrymen, I will be brief.

[Cries of, "that would be a first!" erupt from the floor.]

As I did last month, and plan to do throughout my administration, I rise to address the Ziu concerning the proposed acts of legislation to be debated and voted upon during this Clark.

• 37RZ7 - The Cruel Joke at Pengöpäts' Expense. As you know, it has become a custom for my political party to periodically propose a bill to make our beloved Pengöpäts Antarctic Territory -- the RUMP of Talossa itself -- into a full-fledged province of the Kingdom. It is a completely inorganic proposal, one which cannot possibly be passed into law without being thrown out by the Uppermost Cort, and it is fruitless for us even to think about passing such a silly law. According to Organic Law, there seems to be no friggin way for any territory of Talossa, even our frigid friend Pengö, to ever become a province. Someday, maybe someone will figure out what the heck the Organic Law means by saying that a territory may become a province once it has ten citizens, and then providing no way for territories to have any citizens at all. Until then, my party will continue to bash our head against the wall pointlessly on this one, and once more we take the proposal to provincialize Pengöpäts into the breach, and one more we run away from it as fast as we can. I was proud to co-sponsor this fine act, and I will be just as proud when I vote CONTRÂ to help defeat it. It is silly. To propose it, sponsor it, and defeat it is the RUMP thing to do. Heck, it's the Talossan thing to do.
  
  
• 37RZ8 - The Clipper Act. The legacy of the Conservative Loyalist Party continues to be written large into the history of our nation, and this act helps cement that legacy. The government urges the Ziu to vote PËR on this measure, and to join the nation in memorializing the CLP through the creation of the royal award "The Order of the Cincinnatus," which will recognize that kind of service and devotion that was exemplified by the CLP. Although the CLP has left the stage, it will forever remain in our hearts and memories. In fact, the CLP remains here in our legislative chamber. As a perfect symbol of the bright future that the CLP helped ensure for its nation, sitting in the final seats won by that lamented party is the newest member of the house, one of the newest citizens of Talossa, Catrinâ Þestrâ. Sitting in CLP seats is quite a responsibility for this new member; she has very large shoes to fill doing so. I trust that we will all make her feel welcome. I am sure that she will adapt quickly to life as a Talossan legislator. In fact, I see that she has already found her way to the bar.
  
  
• 37RZ9 - Seat Security for Legislators Named Temporary Regents. The name of this act is too long, if you ask me. That's the only thing I can think to say against it, though. It makes perfect sense, sayeth your government, that if ever the King needs a Regent, he should not be restricted to choosing only those persons who either do not sit in the legislative houses, or who are not willing to resign their seats there to serve in the regency. Lord Lauriéir's proposed amendment to the Organic Law will allow a legislator to serve as Regent and return to his seat or seats in the Ziu when his service is completed. The government urges a very sensible PËR vote on this proposition.
  
  
• 37RZ10 - The Finish the Finnish Act. This is a minor change to the Organic Law, but one which will serve our nation well on the world stage, for it corrects an error in one of our national symbols. I wish to note here that after this act was hopped, the Royal Archivist did locate a writing by former King Robert I indicating that he was in fact aware of his error. This record reads: "A Man's Room is his Kingdom" became the national motto; the budding linguist translated it into slightly incorrect Finnish as Miehen Huone on Hänen Valtakunta, often shortened to "MHHV." It is the opinion of the government that the members of this Ziu should see fit to correct this longstanding error, and vote PËR on this proposal. The clause in the act calling on the nation to forever hold the word valtakunta close to its heart, and put it to good use, is one which we all hope shall not become an empty promise of this Ziu.
  
  
• 37RZ11 - "The Standing on His Own Legs" Amendment. We're just playing with the Senators this Cosâ, aren't we? Isn't this fun? Right after we passed a law (last Clark) demanding that the Senators announce to the nation the political party that they wish to be known as "commonly associated" with, we come right back this month with this act, which proposes to repeal that law while the ink is still wet on it, and which will insist that Senators serve officially without any party association. This little "oops; here's something better" has resulted in this act, which (as I just said) is indeed better. Although parties can endorse the individual candidates for a Senate seat (and although, of course, these candidates and Senators can be and usually are active members of one political party or another), Senators have always been elected as individuals. The Senate is and has always been meant to be the house where sit the wisest Talossans, those who are looked up to, as Talossans, for their individual -- not their party's -- accomplishments. This act removes the last small vestige of the inappropriate partisan chain that was still tenuously attached to the official standing of a Senator of the Kingdom of Talossa. The government urges a PËR vote on this proposal, and promises that next month, it either will or will not support an act in the Clark (if there is one) that will repeal it.

Oh boy do I need a drink. With that in mind, S:reu Speaker, I yield the floor.

[Amidst the flying fruit and vegetables, the Prime Minister makes his way to his seats, by way of the bar, calling out his order for the barman ahead of him.]