[ZUÁVS] Hello and welcome to the new Zuávs da l'Altahál Rexh

[Sir Alexandreu Davinescu]

Ben morgun, buna vhespra, es azul.
Good morning, good evening, and hello.

The Kingdom of Talossa is a small country, comprising only about five square miles, including both the Greater Talossan Area and our exclave of Cézembre (off the coast of France). It is a proud country with a long history, growing dramatically from the bedroom of a teenage boy until it encompassed most of a metropolitan area and hundreds of patriotic Talossans. Part of this growth has required changing over the years, evolving to meet new challenges and new opportunities.

Yet one thing has changed little: our military. It remains essentially the same as in 1979, in stark contrast to the rest of our nation.

The mechanisms of state are no longer lodged in a dictator, shifting in appearance (communism, monarchy, democracy) but never departing a central authoritarian reality. We left that behind years ago, and now Talossa is a firm constitutional republic, limiting and balancing the powers of the monarchy with a fairly-elected government and veteran cort system.

The ministries of our executives are no longer play-acting imitations of a "real" state. We have steadily moved to match our officials with our needs, trimming away empty titles and replacing them with real work. The Ministry of the Interior does not pretend to a control over our territory that we are not yet ready to assert -- instead, they minister to our real internal needs.

The language is no longer shaped by a single person's whims, either de jure or de facto. It is becoming a living language as easy pieces are incorporated into a steadily-richer Talossan English, building purposefully towards a future of quotidian Talossan use.

But not the military! No, the military has not changed since the founding. As ever, it alternates sharply between meaningless and motionless. For decades, it has operated almost exclusively as a vehicle for martial enthusiasts to organize and reorganize. Reformers award themselves new ranks, recruit others to award new ranks, restructure the new ranks, and plan how to distribute awards among the new ranks.

We are more than five times as large as the small state of Monaco, and twenty-five times larger than the small state of Vatican City. These states rely upon their larger neighbors for national security. We generously permit the United States of America to provide housing, plumbing, electricity, policing, fire rescue, healthcare, and infrastructure for the residents of our territory, and don’t pretend otherwise. Let us add “national security” to the list.

Els Zuávs da l'Altahál Rexhitál is the new face of the Talossan military, to the maximally operable extent that I am permitted. We will reward rank for real achievement. When you see someone with a rank in the Zuávs, then you will know that they did something to earn it. We will be a cultural organization, working to defend the throne and the country by creating, propagating, and promoting interesting creative and practical work of a Talossan nature.

This is not a political organization. It is not affiliated with any party or movement, and while els Zuávs are subordinate by law to the elected government, we will act independently and apolitically.

This is not an empty organization. You will be rewarded with pompous ranks and awards that mean something, because you will receive them only for real achievements.

This is not a violent organization. Violence is anathema to els Zuávs. We are waging war, but it is a war on apathy and philistinism. Our battlefield is the waiting world, ready to be changed into something Talossan.

Recruiting is not yet open, but if this idea is something that excites you, you may leave your name here and I will contact you in the future. In the new government, I will seek funding to provide for material rewards, in addition to the reward of recognition and rank.

This is the new Zuávs da l'Altahál Rexhitál, and we are excited to be here.

[Magniloqueu Épiqeu da Lhiun]

I am really excited to see the shape of the Zuavs to come, and the actual forthcoming proposals.

Thank you for your enthusiasm!

[Audrada Rôibeardét]

Will this impact the RTMC?

[Sir Alexandreu Davinescu]

Not yet. I hope to eventually transform the entire military, but my current appointment is Capitan of the Zuávs. I have zero authority over the other branch of the military, the Navy, or any of its subsidiary services (such as the marines).

If this interests you, though, I have no problem with double-enlistment, so long as whoever's currently shuffling the military rank-cards is okay with it.

[Iason Bitxichë Taiwos]

I was a Private in the previous incarnation of the Zouaves, does my enlistment roll over into the new one? (I hope so, otherwise I'll have to toss out those ridiculous looking voluminous trousers I bought.) I kind of like this whole idea, to be honest. Aside from making stupid recruitment posters, I haven't had the foggiest idea of what I'm supposed to be doing with the Royal Navy.

[Sir Alexandreu Davinescu]

No, all existing enlisted Zuávs and officers have been summarily ejected as of my announcement last week. However, when we open for enlisting again, we would be delighted to have you aboard once more. You may continue to wear the trousers -- and I mean that for real, since images and videos could be actions that make you eligible for promotion (such as recording a video of you reciting a Talossan poem while wearing them!)

You are right that you don't have anything to do in the Navy, because the Navy is dumb and exists only to exist.

[Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă]

I was a lieutenant and would like to be again.

[Sir Alexandreu Davinescu]

When we open enlistment, we will definitely welcome you back! Unfortunately, rank is not transferable, since up until now it has been ceremonial. Everyone will start as a Private. But when you rise through the ranks and achieve the rank of Lieutenant once more, everyone will know it was based on real achievements.