Sir C. M. Siervicül
Posts: 9,636
Talossan Since: 8-13-2005
Knight Since: 7-28-2007
Motto: Nonnisi Deo serviendum
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Post by Sir C. M. Siervicül on Mar 12, 2015 13:03:50 GMT -6
I think the fourth line needs a qe at the beginning, like lines 2 and 3. Line 4 also needs Tu before pedit ("thy will").
I'm not sure what function the qe in line 8 is meant to serve.
Tu in line 11 looks like the possessive adjective "thy". I'm not sure whether that's right or it'd be better to use a possessive pronoun here. Spanish has tuyo which can be either.
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Post by Iustì Carlüs Canun on Mar 12, 2015 22:13:18 GMT -6
We're to a point where I feel better about doing a line-by-line now. So here goes... Good on you for the use of Avvà. We already did this line. Maybe it's just me, but I like it better if the verb is first here. Qe venadra...This just says "you accomplish will on earth." Still in need of a subjunctive construction here. More specifically, passive subjunctive: Q'estadra afcastat Tu pedit... (Again, you don't need the verb to be first; I just think it sounds better. This one's fine. regalarh is a cool word. You can't have "our the bread," though. And there's a typo: ziueasca. This one's good. Okay, this one doesn't need to be subjunctive, just plain ol' present tense. And you need an acestilor "those": acestilor qi pechent "those who sin." You could also use the "debts"/"debtors" version, which would be destas/desteirs. You have the non in the wrong place. That or you misspelled conduçetz-noi and left out the non entirely. Again you don't have an object: "deliver us." Sir Cresti said this already, but you need a possessive pronoun here: "yours," not "your." Possibly plural: els Tuns sint... (Since there are three things that are "yours," and c'e can't be plural. Nothing wrong here. I might use àl fin instead of schemp.
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Sir C. M. Siervicül
Posts: 9,636
Talossan Since: 8-13-2005
Knight Since: 7-28-2007
Motto: Nonnisi Deo serviendum
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Post by Sir C. M. Siervicül on Mar 12, 2015 22:25:35 GMT -6
And you need an acestilor "those": acestilor qi pechent "those who sin." Or els qi.
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Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă
Puisne (Associate) Justice of the Uppermost Court
Fraichetz dels punts, es non dels mürs
Posts: 4,063
Talossan Since: 9-23-2012
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Post by Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă on Mar 13, 2015 6:40:50 GMT -6
THe problem with the possessive pronouns is I couldn't find any reference to them over at Talossan.com.
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Sir C. M. Siervicül
Posts: 9,636
Talossan Since: 8-13-2005
Knight Since: 7-28-2007
Motto: Nonnisi Deo serviendum
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Post by Sir C. M. Siervicül on Mar 13, 2015 6:46:19 GMT -6
THe problem with the possessive pronouns is I couldn't find any reference to them over at Talossan.com. There's a link from the Pronouns page under Syntax, but the substantive information is on the genitive indication page under Syntax.
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Sir C. M. Siervicül
Posts: 9,636
Talossan Since: 8-13-2005
Knight Since: 7-28-2007
Motto: Nonnisi Deo serviendum
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Post by Sir C. M. Siervicül on Mar 13, 2015 6:51:29 GMT -6
Possibly plural: els Tuns sint... (Since there are three things that are "yours," and c'e can't be plural. Another possibility occurred to me; one which is maybe more natively Talossan. Another way of indicating possession in Talossan (which is not yet covered on the "genitive indication" page on Talossan.com) is use of the preposition à. For example, "this house is mine" could be aceasta casa isch à mhe. So this section could start out: Cair à Thu sint el regipäts...
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Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă
Puisne (Associate) Justice of the Uppermost Court
Fraichetz dels punts, es non dels mürs
Posts: 4,063
Talossan Since: 9-23-2012
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Post by Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă on Mar 13, 2015 6:59:59 GMT -6
THe problem with the possessive pronouns is I couldn't find any reference to them over at Talossan.com. There's a link from the Pronouns page under Syntax, but the substantive information is on the genitive indication page under Syntax. Wow thanks. I somehow entirely missed that and it was driving me nuts!
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Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă
Puisne (Associate) Justice of the Uppermost Court
Fraichetz dels punts, es non dels mürs
Posts: 4,063
Talossan Since: 9-23-2012
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Post by Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă on Mar 13, 2015 10:23:21 GMT -6
Newest version:
ár Avvà, qi'st in çèu Q'estadra sanctificada Tu nominá. Qe venadra tu regipäts Q'estadra afcastat Tu Pedit Sür la tzara Come c'e in çèu Regaletz à'ceasta ziua ár pà ziueasca Es perzonetz ár destas Come noi perzona ár desteirs. Es conduçetz noi non ainciün tentaziun, Mas deliveretz noi d'iensa caitivetz. Per els tuns sint el regipäts, L'elbaracà, es la gloria, ál fin. Amén.
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Post by Iustì Carlüs Canun on Mar 13, 2015 20:47:19 GMT -6
el Çéuà'ceasta means "to this," so that says "give to this day our daily bread." Mismatched conjugation; noi perzonENTnon goes before the verb it negates. This is "deliver us from AN evil." You want evil in general, all the evil in the world, not just one speicifc evil. so del caitivetz.
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Sir C. M. Siervicül
Posts: 9,636
Talossan Since: 8-13-2005
Knight Since: 7-28-2007
Motto: Nonnisi Deo serviendum
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Post by Sir C. M. Siervicül on Mar 13, 2015 21:10:29 GMT -6
Also the third line from the end begins with the conjunction "for" ("for Thine is the kingdom..."), not the preposition "for". In Talossan, the preposition is per while the conjunction is cair. (By comparison, in Spanish it's porque rather than para and in French it's car rather than pour.)
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Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă
Puisne (Associate) Justice of the Uppermost Court
Fraichetz dels punts, es non dels mürs
Posts: 4,063
Talossan Since: 9-23-2012
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Post by Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă on Mar 13, 2015 21:14:07 GMT -6
Ár Avvà, qi'st in el Çèu Q'estadra sanctificada Tu nómina. Qe venadra Tu regipäts Q'estadra afcastat Tu Pedit Sür la tzara Come c'e in el Çèu Regaletz üns aceasta ziua ár pà ziueasca Es perzonetz ár destas Come noi perzonent ár desteirs. Es non conduçetz-noi ainciün tentaziun, Mas deliveretz noi del caitivetz. Cair els tuns sint el regipäts, L'elbaracà, es la gloria, àl fin. Amén.
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Post by Iustì Carlüs Canun on Mar 14, 2015 1:12:02 GMT -6
I would capitalize Çéu if you mean "Heaven," but I think that's optional. Ditto all your uses of tu.
Misplaced accent in nómina.
Regaletz dad üns means "give FROM us," not "give us."
You need a hyphen in conduçetz-noi.
And finally, wrong accent on àl fim.
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Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă
Puisne (Associate) Justice of the Uppermost Court
Fraichetz dels punts, es non dels mürs
Posts: 4,063
Talossan Since: 9-23-2012
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Post by Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă on Mar 14, 2015 9:03:36 GMT -6
I got this directly from the pronouns page: the object pronoun üns (= us) may be used as an alternative to noi or nhoi, and is in fact the usual choice after da (forming dad üns = to us).
I am intending to say "give to us" which according to the official reference material should be "regaletz dad üns". I am confused.
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Sir C. M. Siervicül
Posts: 9,636
Talossan Since: 8-13-2005
Knight Since: 7-28-2007
Motto: Nonnisi Deo serviendum
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Post by Sir C. M. Siervicül on Mar 14, 2015 9:21:10 GMT -6
I got this directly from the pronouns page: the object pronoun üns (= us) may be used as an alternative to noi or nhoi, and is in fact the usual choice after da (forming dad üns = to us). Ack. That's an error on the pronouns page. It should say "of/from us" instead of "to us".
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Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă
Puisne (Associate) Justice of the Uppermost Court
Fraichetz dels punts, es non dels mürs
Posts: 4,063
Talossan Since: 9-23-2012
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Post by Dr. Txec dal Nordselvă on Mar 14, 2015 9:23:06 GMT -6
I got this directly from the pronouns page: the object pronoun üns (= us) may be used as an alternative to noi or nhoi, and is in fact the usual choice after da (forming dad üns = to us). Ack. That's an error on the pronouns page. It should say "of/from us" instead of "to us". Well hopefully someone can fix it :-)
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