Moratorium on Immigration PD

[markymark]

I, Márcüs Cantaloûr, Seneschál del Regipäts Talossán, with the full weight and authority of my august position do hereby and forthwith declare the following Prime Dictate:

Whereas, certain information has come to light that casts doubt over the whole Ministry of Immigration, and

Whereas, if the allegations that the CLP has recruited uninterested people to become citizens in order to increase the party's level of support are true, we will have witnessed perhaps the greatest scandal in Talossan history, and

Whereas, it is unfair for all genuine immigrants to be painted with the brush of scandal and controversy,

Therefore a moratorium on all immigration shall be hereby imposed until the end of the next general election. Any prospective citizens who are currently going through the process of immigration are excluded from this moratorium. With the close of the polls, immigration shall resume as normal.

God Save The King!

Done under my hand this fourteenth day of August, two thousand and five.

[Lord Q]

LOL! Ha! I knew it!

[markymark]

You find the possibilty of a scandal in Talossa humourous?

[Lord Q]

I do, as a matter of fact. I find it quite humorous that you are accusing Fritz, a very trustworthy guy, of something very heinous just to cover your own ass politically.

Maybe you'd like to divulge these allegations against our honorable IM.

Or maybe you'll keep them secret to spite me. Whatever works for you, Mr. PM.

[markymark]

I did not necessarily accuse Fritz of anything. There have been allegations made, with backing from some CLP members, that the CLP has recruited citizens just to have more electoral support. I issued this PD to prevent this alleged scandal from continuing to occur (if it is true) and to protect Fritz and all prospective citizens.

[Lord Q]

If doubt is cast over the Immigration Ministry by you, how is that not an accusation of wrongdoing on the part of Fritz?

[markymark]

Since there have been allegations made against the CLP, it is only right for all parties involved to issue this moratorium. It is possible that nothing out of the ordinary has been going on in the ministry, and that is my hope. This moratorium will prevent any further allegations.

[Lord Q]

Again, I would like to know what these allegations are, since it seems they directly affect me.

[King John]

Oh man, guys, did I call this one or what? The only thing I missed (or the King and Márcüs missed) was the provision "Exceptions to the moratorium may be made on a case-by-case basis by either the Completely Non-Partisan King or the Equally Completely Non-Partisan Secretary of the MN." Dang. Well, nobody gets everything right.

Unless you want to add that in now, Márcüs?

— John Woolley

[King John]

And by the way, Márcüs and your Majesty, what a despicable, ugly, revolting thing to do. You should both be incredibly ashamed of yourselves.

— John Woolley

[King John]

Here's an example of the terribly corrupt recruiting we've been doing.

Manus and I spammed a mailing list of about 400 Diplomacy players; and when people responded, Manus sent them this letter:

Okay, so I asked John Woolley, "exactly what should I send anyone who responds with interest about Talossa?" He flattered my writing ability in an attempt to get out of drafting the letter for me, but I was adamant, pulling a very Diplomacy-like "play dumb" act, suggesting all sorts of silly content for the letter, until I finally drug this out of him. Take a look and let's get you on board!
John's draft, with my own additions added in square brackets, follows:

We don't want to hit all that [my silly ideas to prod him into drafting this] in the first letter. What we want is something to say where the Talossa home page is [it is at my.execpc.com/~talossa -- now be careful, there are TWO Talossas, the KINGDOM and the REPUBLIC. You want the KINGDOM. The REPUBLIC is a breakaway group who got so mad at the King that they rebelled and started their own society; the Republic has a cooler Web presence (something we should work on) but it's NOT the one you're after here], how to get to Wittenburg [Wittenburg is the name of the online bulletin board/forum, where Talossans in the Kingdom communicate with each other -- it is at to look at discussions, and how to get in touch with Fritz to immigrate [Fritz is the Immigration Minister, who I would ask you to e-mail right now; his address is [e-mail]].

Maybe a word to say what immigration consists of - answers to a few questions (some about who and where you are, a very few about "How I found out about Talossa", etc.) and enough actual response to verify your identity [it is totally easy; kind of like the three questions required to cross the Bridge of Death in Monty Python and the Holy Grail -- "What is your name?" "What is your quest?" "What is your favorite color?"]. And a promise that you [Manus] will help the guy through the process as necessary. (I [John] will too, of course, and Fritz.)

No sense talking about the Ziu [Parliament] at this point (except to mention that it exists), or the different political parties; except maybe to mention that there's a general election coming up in September, and there are 4 political parties of different philosophies to join; or you can form your own! And ... pretty much anyone who wants to can become a Member of the Ziu.

And that there's other stuff to do besides politics - the language in particular. (Although to Dippyists, I'd think the politics would be most attractive.)

There you have it. What do you say?

So now, Márcüs, what am I supposed to say to people who answer that? "Sorry, you're no longer wanted — reapply in two months"? Oh yeah, that'll attract people. What total crap. Manus and I do actual work for Talossa, sending out letters, talking to people, and you with your "allegations have been made" short-circuit it. Allegations! The King is the only one who made any allegations, and he made them up out of his own head. As you well know.

And loyalty? You talk big about loyalty, but maybe loyalty should work both ways, huh? You know, the very first thing Fritz ever said to me about Talossan politics was something like "I'm the head of the opposition party, but Ben is my friend, and I'd quit Talossa in a minute before I'd do anything to hurt him." Are you even a little bit ashamed of yourself?

I really had thought better of you.

— John Woolley

[markymark]

John, you have stated the The King should be ashamed of himself for this PD. I authored and issued the PD, The King was not involved in the process.

[markymark]

John you asked the question, "what am I supposed to say to people who answer that? Sorry, you're no longer wanted &; reapply in two months?"

- Anyone genuinely interested in Talossa would be willing to wait a month or two until this controversy passes. If they were aware that a moratorium was placed on immigration so that their motives as a prospective could not be questioned, I am confident they would understand.


Another statement from John, "What total crap. Manus and I do actual work for Talossa, sending out letters, talking to people, and you with your "allegations have been made" short-circuit it."

- Excuse me, I did not realize that the whole nation of Talossa rests on your shoulders! I guess no one else in Talossa does any work for the country. My, isn't it marvelous that such a new citizen has been able to take on such awesome responsibilities!

[King John]

Gosh, Márcüs. You really shouldn't try the irony thing. You're not too good at it.

Stick to Pompous Drivel. Pig Droppings. Piles of Dung.

— John Woolley

[markymark]

A very mature, intelligent and reasoned response.