Post by Ián Tamorán S.H. on Mar 21, 2019 8:09:48 GMT -6
In civil debate we are not interested about who is right, but about what is right. People whose opinions differ from mine are not my opponents - they are merely people whose opinion differs from mine.
I have tried in my own life never to be rude to anyone, and to do my best to ignore any rudeness with which I feel I am being treated - and all too often I have later discovered that it was not rudeness, but was required by the situation. Argument, debate and discussion are different things. In trying to get to the right words, and in agreeing on the right actions, it is of no use - no use whatsoever - to malign the other party. It is of no use whatsoever to throw back at the other party their past (or your past) actions and words, except to discuss with them the value of prior promises: discuss, do not argue. Use civil debate.
"I told you so!" and "you never listen" and "you disagree with me, so you are evil", and the like, are all irrelevant in civil debate. Of course, some of these gloves of politeness are often taken off during the hustings, and this is understandable: understandable, but not recommended. And, in careful civilisation admonished and regretted (though, alas, mostly silently).
I have a three year old grandson. A few weeks ago his grandmother (my wife) was sitting on the floor, playing with him, when he - purposely - pushed her over. She was upset, and his mother (our daughter) was upset. He, however, was not in the slightest bit upset, until both mother and grandmother got cross with him. Did he say he was sorry? Only grudgingly, because (we think) of the fury from the two ladies present. So was his apology genuine? We do not know - and we cannot know until we have seen behaviour from him that shows it was - that he has learned a bit more about what it is right to do, and what it is wrong to do. Only from his behaviour can we know.
Our actions define our civilisation and our culture. Our words serve only as an addition to those actions. Remember the motto (used here) of "My word is my bond".
Think the best, say the best, and you will be the best.
I have tried in my own life never to be rude to anyone, and to do my best to ignore any rudeness with which I feel I am being treated - and all too often I have later discovered that it was not rudeness, but was required by the situation. Argument, debate and discussion are different things. In trying to get to the right words, and in agreeing on the right actions, it is of no use - no use whatsoever - to malign the other party. It is of no use whatsoever to throw back at the other party their past (or your past) actions and words, except to discuss with them the value of prior promises: discuss, do not argue. Use civil debate.
"I told you so!" and "you never listen" and "you disagree with me, so you are evil", and the like, are all irrelevant in civil debate. Of course, some of these gloves of politeness are often taken off during the hustings, and this is understandable: understandable, but not recommended. And, in careful civilisation admonished and regretted (though, alas, mostly silently).
I have a three year old grandson. A few weeks ago his grandmother (my wife) was sitting on the floor, playing with him, when he - purposely - pushed her over. She was upset, and his mother (our daughter) was upset. He, however, was not in the slightest bit upset, until both mother and grandmother got cross with him. Did he say he was sorry? Only grudgingly, because (we think) of the fury from the two ladies present. So was his apology genuine? We do not know - and we cannot know until we have seen behaviour from him that shows it was - that he has learned a bit more about what it is right to do, and what it is wrong to do. Only from his behaviour can we know.
Our actions define our civilisation and our culture. Our words serve only as an addition to those actions. Remember the motto (used here) of "My word is my bond".
Think the best, say the best, and you will be the best.
