The Florencian Fish tale Game

[Pôl d'Aurìbuérg]

This game is open to all talossans.

We'll take turns telling fish stories.
Everyone will have 24 hours after the story is posted to guess if it is true, or a great big fish tale.
After the 24 hours are up, the storyteller will give the answer.
Storytellers; feel free to post a picture of catch if you like.

I'm sure we all have a tale to tell. If you don't, make up a good story to fool us.

Anyone want to give it a try first?

[Iason Bitxichë Taiwos]

I call this tale "Have You Seen the Maggot-Man?"
One weekend I went on a fishing trip with my step-son to a lake about 40 miles from home. Neither of us had been there before, but we'd heard rumors that it was a great place to fish. Given the dismal results of recent trips to our normal fishing spots, we decided to give it a try.
Along the way, my step-son decided he wanted some maggots. We'd already brought along some night crawlers, as well as two tackle boxes full of lures, but I agreed to stop for maggots if we happened upon a bait shop along the way.
As we neared our destination, the step-son spotted a sign in the front yard of a house. Crudely spray painted on a sheet of particle board, the sign read "Maggots for sale". We pulled into the driveway.
Attached to the side of the house was a large, fenced in yard. In the yard were a dozen or so doghouses. Several dogs could be seen in the yard, tied to chains on posts near each doghouse. The dogs whipped up a fury of howling and barking as my step-son passed by the fence on his way to the front door of the house. (I stayed in the car. He wanted the maggots so bad, he could get them.)
He lightly knocked on the door several times, but there was no response. He stood there for about two minutes. I finally hollered out the car window, "Don't think anybody's home. Let's go." Just as he turned to leave, the door opened. A strange, shaggy looking character stood in the doorway. His tattered t-shirt appeared to be stained with something red.
"Can I help ya?" He asked, displaying a rather toothless grin.
My step-son explained that we wanted to purchase some maggots. "Four bucks for a small container," the man said. "Wait right here, I'll fetch it for you." The man disappeared back into the house.
After a couple minutes, we began to hear a wailing sound coming from the house. A dog wailing. The sound whipped up more excitement from the dogs chained in the yard, who commenced with another bout of howling and barking. Finally the wailing trailed off into silence. The shaggy figure reappeared at the door, clutching a small styrofoam container. My step-son gave him 4 bucks, took the container, thanked him, and returned to the car. In a minute we were back on the road to the lake.
"You bettersee how much he gave you," I said. "4 bucks seems kind of pricey for maggots."
My step-son removed the lid from the container and peered inside. Almost instantly he began gagging. "Oh god," he said. "You don't think it could be..."
I looked over at the container. Inside there were maggots aplenty. But they were all crawling over what appearedd to be a chunk of bloody, fur covered flesh. I gagged and almost lost control of the steering wheel. My step-son, trying to hold back a churning onslaught of nausea, threw the whole thing out the window.
Looks like we were just gonna stick with nightcrawlers that day.
The next time we took a trip to the lake, we looked for the Maggot-Mans place. We found it. Only this time there was no "maggots for sale" sign. There was no sign of dogs or doghouses in the yard. The place seemed to have been abandoned. Only a yellow "Police Notice" taped to the front door gave any indication to what might have happened. We didn't bother to stop to read it.

[Pôl d'Aurìbuérg]

I'm calling BS.

This story sounds too good to be true.

It sounds like it could be a good made-for-TV movie on the Lifetime Channel.

[Iason Bitxichë Taiwos]

Unfortunately, it was all completely true. My wife and step-sons girlfriend were also witness to these events (I left them out so the story wouldn't get bogged down with too many unecessary details.)

[Iason Bitxichë Taiwos]

One more, Pôl, and I'll quit (doesn't anyone else have any good fish tales?) I call this one "Drug Dogs and Neon Nightcrawlers". BS or not?
This one starts out just like the maggot man tale, with me and the step-son on the way to the lake. We'd stopped at a gas station for beer and bait, where the step-son discovered they were selling "neon nightcrawlers". These things looked like gummy worms...don't know if they were bred in toxic waste or what, but they were certainly unlike any nightcrawlers i'd ever seen before. Anyhow, we bought 'em, and hit the road.
We were cruising down the highway, about to turn off the exit to the lake, when I see cop lights blazing behind me. Ohio Highway Patrol. Uh-oh. We pull over and the cop comes up to the window. "Can I see your license and registration?" Of course you can, good sir. My registration was in the glove compartment, so the step-son pops it open to get it...and out rolls a pipe.
Not a crack pipe, or even a glass bowl for smoking weed, just an ordinary briar tobacco pipe like grandpa used to smoke. Yes, I admit to occasionally smoking a pipe (I've ingested nicotine in virtually every way imaginable, except intravenously). Well, obviously, pipe smoking is a rare and curious artform, especially in these parts, where it is an uncommon practice even among the aged. Automatically the cop sees the pipe and thinks "drugs". "Let me see that", he says.
Next thing I know, another cop car pulls up, this one being the K-9 unit. As the first cop swabs the bowl of my pipe, searching for drug residue, he nonchalantly asks if I'm okay with the drug dog sniffing out my car. Like I'm going to say"no". They open the back door, and the dog proceeds to go about his business.
Suddenly the dog handler cop says "Hey - the dogs hit on something!" And suddenly I start getting nervous. I had just purchased the car a few days before for $400 from a pal who I knew occasionally indulged in illicit substances. Oh god, what if he left a roach or a rock or something in the seat cushions...
The swab test on the pipe came back negative for drug residue, so the first cop stood talking to us while the K-9 cop continued his search. "Where you guys going? Fishing? What kind of bait you gonna use? Neon nightcrawlers? Now this I gotta see..."
Soon the K-9 cop and his handler, failing to find anything incriminating, joined us at the back of the car, and marveled over the neon nightcrawlers. We stood there for twenty minutes, discussing the best spots to fish at the lake, the best kinds of bait to use, and how the heck did they breed neon nightcrawlers?
Finally the cops said we were free to go.. as I walked back to get in the car, I realized there was one question that hadn't been answered. "Hey,"I yelled to the coop who had first pulled us over, "why did you stop us anyway?"
"Oh, that", he smiled."your muffler was too loud. Better get that fixed. Good luck with your fishing!"

[Vitxalmour Conductour]

Do any of your fish tales involve fish at any point?

[Iason Bitxichë Taiwos]

Well, there's the one about the three eyed mutant catfish I caught in Beaver Creek, but even I don't believe that one.

[Hooligan]

Aug 10, 2012 6:18:22 GMT -6 Iason Bitxichë Taiwos said:

Unfortunately, it was all completely true. My wife and step-sons girlfriend were also witness to these events (I left them out so the story wouldn't get bogged down with too many unecessary details.)

Wow. I would have joined the Guv in saying "no way". Dang!

Hool

[Iason Bitxichë Taiwos]

My drug dog story is true as well (I can't make that stuff up.) Most of my stories actually involving fish are all very depressing. My last fishing experience involved a very large blue gill snapping the line and swallowing my $6 Mepps lure. I could only sit on the shore and watch as it slowly floated away, bleeding from the gills. (I attempted to go fly fishing once. Only things I caught were my girlfriends sweater and a poor dog that had wandered too close.)

[Pôl d'Aurìbuérg]

Aug 13, 2012 16:01:43 GMT -6 Iason Bitxichë Taiwos said:

(I attempted to go fly fishing once. Only things I caught were my girlfriends sweater and a poor dog that had wandered too close.)

Don't quit your day job!